80 Hilarious Black Friday Jokes & Quotes To Keep You Smiling Through The Chaos

Written by: Lara
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Sign with Black Friday
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Get ready to buckle up and unleash into the chaos of Black Friday with these 80 hilarious Black Friday jokes! Black Friday is a time when our senses of humor are put to the test (as well as our patience, kindness, and moral behavior). From the outrageous sales tactics to the elbowing efforts, there’s no shortage of maddening moments during this shopping extravaganza. To help you keep your sanity while dealing with this, we’ve collected the absolute best funny Black Friday quotes of 2023 that perfectly capture the absurdity, madness, and pure comedic gold that Black Friday brings.

Whether you’ve experienced the shopping madness firsthand or prefer to observe from the safety of your couch, this post is guaranteed to make you laugh!

Do you love a good laugh? Then you might also like these hilarious quotes

Save these Black Friday jokes

Don’t forget to save these Black Friday jokes and quotes on Pinterest to share with your friends and help them survive the madness with some laughter too!

Funny Black Friday jokes that will make your friends and family laugh out loud with a photo of black shopping bags

Black Friday jokes the fights

1) “I shopped on Black Friday and lived to tell about it.”

2) “You kids better like what mommy got you for Christmas because she had to do unspeakable things on Black Friday to get it.”

3) “Do you think I am crazy? You should see me on Black Friday.”

4) “Nothing says ‘I care’ like a Christmas present someone had to throw an elbow for.”

5) “I don’t need to buy anything on Black Friday, I just want to get in a fistfight at Bed Bath and Beyond to feel alive.”

6) “Before I left the house I put my dentist on speed dial.”

7) “Here’s to hoping Black Friday doesn’t turn into Black and Blue Sunday.”

8) “I think football scouts should start watching Black Fridays to find their next talents, those shoppers block and tackle better than your average football team.”

9) “I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online.”

10) “I can’t make it to the store on Black Friday, so I’m thinking of going to Walmart tomorrow to shove someone for no reason early.”

11) “Just remember there is no Black and Blue Saturday deal for the hospital visit you’ll need after Black Friday.”

12) “I survived Black Friday.”

13) “Black Friday survivor.”

Black Friday Survivor with a photo of a ribbon
Funny Black Friday quote

14) “Black Friday: The day when ‘shop till you drop’ takes on a whole new meaning.”

15) “Black Friday: The day when sanity is sold separately.”

16) “Black Friday shopping: The only sport where you get to push people and not get in trouble.”

17) “The first rule of Black Friday. There are no rules on Black Friday.”

18) “If you ever doubt the existence of herd mentality, just observe the chaos that unfolds on Black Friday.”

19) “Stupid must’ve been half-price today. Because everyone I ran into out there had loads of it.”

20) “Black Friday: The only day of the year where you can witness two grandmas fighting over a flat-screen TV like it’s the last piece of turkey at Thanksgiving.”

21) “Black Friday is just the grown-up version of kids fighting over toys on the playground, except the toys are bigger and more expensive.”

22) “The only thing scarier than a horror movie marathon is being trapped in a mall on Black Friday.”

23) “If you’re shopping online but still want that Black Friday experience:

  1. Sit in your car for 3 hours.
  2. Stand outside your front door for 2 hours.
  3. Sprint into your home.
  4. Punch yourself in the face.”

24) “I think it would be great if Walmart added an upper-level observation deck with a full bar. Or even a live camera.”

25) “When I hear about a shopper who died on Black Friday, I worry because my mom is out there now… and she’s probably the one who killed them.”

26) “Black Friday: The day when your cart is more important than your dignity.”

Black Friday: The day when your cart is more importnt than your dignity
Funny Black Friday joke

Funny Black Friday quotes about buying stuff you don’t need

27) “I’m not sure what I bought, but no one else has one.”

28) “I don’t need a shopping list. It’s Black Friday!”

29) “On Black Friday, I saved 50% on a toaster I didn’t need. Now it sits in my kitchen, mocking me every morning.”

30) “Black Friday: The one day of the year when people trample over others for things they’ll re-gift next Christmas.”

31) “I don’t shop on Black Friday. The stuff you want is never on sale, and the stuff that’s on sale, you never want.”

32) “Black Friday: The day when people wait in line for hours to buy things they’d never wait in line for any other day of the year.”

33) “The excitement of waiting in line for hours on Black Friday to get a toaster you didn’t really need.”

34) “They should rename the day after Black Friday ‘Regretful Saturday’ because that’s when you realize you didn’t actually need any of the things you bought.”

35) “Black Friday sale: Buy now, regret later.”

Special offer: Black Friday sale! Buy now, regret later
Funny Black Friday sale joke

Funny Black Friday quotes about Money

36) “When you’re ready for Black Friday but your wallet isn’t.”

37) “When you’re shopping on Black Friday and suddenly remember you’re broke.”

38) “Why do they call it Black Friday? Because your bank account goes from ‘in the black’ to ‘in the red’ in a matter of hours.”

39) “Black Friday is a scam. You should be mad they overcharge you 364 days a year.”

40) “Black Friday: The day when people will camp outside all night to save $20 on a TV, but won’t spend five minutes to save $50 on their monthly bills.”

41) “Black Friday: The day when my bank account goes from black to red.”

Black Friday: The day when my bank account goes from black to red
Funny Black Friday joke

Black Friday jokes with movie & tv show references

42) “I love how Black Friday commercials make it look all calm and fun when actually it’s like the Hunger Games.”

43) “Black Friday is like the Hunger Games. People kill each other and the winner gets a 20$ toaster.”

44) “Black Friday: Let the Hunger Games Begin.”

45) “Black Friday: May the bargains be ever in your favor.”
From The Hunger Games

46) “Black Friday is the Red Wedding of shopping: unexpected twists, frenzied alliances, and everyone’s fighting for themselves.”
From Game of Thrones

47) Black Friday: The one where we spend all our money.”
Shop shirt at Etsy

Funny shirt with "Black Friday: the one where we spend all of our money"
Photo courtesy of PJs Good Vibes

48) “Shopping is my superpower. Black Friday is my kryptonite.”
From Superman

49) “To shop or not to shop, that is the question.”
From Hamlet

50) “I feel the need… the need for cheap TVs.”
From Top Gun

51) “Life is like shopping on Black Friday. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
From Forrest Gump

52) “Brace yourselves, Black Friday is coming.”
From Game of Thrones

53) “I’ll be back… to return all the things I bought on Black Friday.”
From Terminator

I'll be back to return all the thinsg I bought on Black Friday with a photo from the movie terminator

Funny Thanksgiving and Black Friday jokes

54) “Thanksgiving is all about sharing and appreciating what we have. Black Friday is about fighting strangers for the last TV.”

55) “Make sure the clothes you buy on Black Friday take into account how fat you got on Thanksgiving.”

56) “What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common? They know what it’s like to be jammed into a small place and stuffed.”

57) “Thanksgiving: A day for family and togetherness. Black Friday: A day for elbows and shopping cart battles.”

58) “Thanksgiving: A day of gratitude and contentment. Black Friday: A day of chaos and discounted happiness.”

59) “First we turkey, then we Target.”

60) “Thanksgiving: The calm before the shopping storm on Black Friday.”

61) “Oh how I love America’s controversy. We start with a day of warmth and gratitude only to follow it up with a day of chaos and greediness.”

Funny Black Friday quotes: "Oh how I love America’s controversy. We start with a day of warmth and gratitude only to follow it up with a day of chaos and greediness."

62) “Thanksgiving is for counting our blessings. Black Friday is for counting our savings.”

63) “Americans love stuffing. On Thanksgiving we first stuff the turkey, then we stuff ourselves with food, only to stuff our carts and shopping bags on Black Friday.”

64) “Thanksgiving is like a warm hug from loved ones. Black Friday is like a wrestling match with strangers over discounted items.”

65) “Thanksgiving: The day to be grateful for what we have. Black Friday: The day to be greedy for what we want.”

66) “Only in America you can trample over people for a new TV you don’t need, exactly one day after being thankful for what you already have.”

67) “On Thanksgiving, we give thanks for what we have. On Black Friday, we give thanks for what we can buy.”

68) “Thanksgiving: The day we appreciate what we have. Black Friday: The day we go crazy for what we want.”

69) “Thanksgiving: A day to count our blessings. Black Friday: A day to count our credit card debt.”

"Thanksgiving: A day to count our blessings. Black Friday: A day to count our credit card debt."

Funny Black Friday quotes for alcoholics

70) “Why the hell don’t liquor stores have Black Friday sales?”

71) “Black Friday: The day when people shop like they’re stocking up for an alcohol prohibition.”

"Black Friday: The day when people shop like they're stocking up for an alcohol prohibition."

Other funny Black Friday quotes

72) “Black Friday shopping: It’s not just a day, it’s a lifestyle.”

73) “It’s Black Friday to most people. To me, it’s unsubscribing from the email list I never knew I was on Friday.”

74) “Black Friday sale. My house. You and I. All clothes will be 100% off.”

75) “Who needs sleep? It’s Black Friday.”

76) “Black Friday: The day when my shopping addiction becomes socially acceptable.”

77) “I’m only a morning person on Black Friday.”

78) “Black Friday: The one day of the year when people wake up early willingly.”

79) “If only we put as much effort into world peace as we do into getting the best Black Friday deals, the world would be a better place.”

80) “I skip Black Friday because my hatred for people outweighs my love for stuff.”

Funny Black Friday quotes: I skip Black Friday because my hatred for people outweighs my love for stuff

Save these Black Friday jokes

Did you save these Black Friday jokes on Pinterest yet?

80 funny Black Friday jokes with a photo of a woman holding many bags

Final notes on Black Friday jokes

We’ve reached the end of our uproarious journey through the funniest Black Friday quotes of the year. I hope that these hilarious snippets brought a smile to your face and lightened the shopping madness. Remember, laughter is the best remedy for everything, so, as you embark on your shopping adventures, keep these quotes in mind and let the laughter guide you through the sales.


Hi, I’m Lara, a 30-year-old travel-lover (but who’s not these days?). I love reading, puzzling, world-heritage sites, researching, and making lists, which comes in quite handy when you’re making lists of travel gift ideas!