171 Funny Things To Write In A Birthday Card For A Friend, Lover, Relative Or Co-Worker

Written by: Lara
Last update:
Funny birthday wishes
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Birthdays are the perfect occasion to share your love with someone or to take the piss out of someone. And since you made it to this post, I’m assuming the latter. So if you’re looking for funny birthday wishes these 171 ideas are perfect for you.

From funny things to write in a birthday card for a friend to funny birthday jokes and puns to funny inside jokes, you can use on your card to make it more personal. There is a funny birthday message for anyone!

Do you also need a gift to go with your funny birthday card message?

Then check out the gift guides to find the perfect gift for any type of recipient.

Save these funny birthday wishes

Don’t forget to save these funny birthday wishes on Pinterest, so you’ll know where to find them for the next birthday!

151 funny things to write on a birthday card

‘You know you’re old’ Funny birthday card jokes

1. You know you’re getting old when your year of birth is not easily viewable in the drop-down menu and you’ve got to scroll down.

2. You know you’re old when the doctor warns you to slow down instead of a policeman.

3. You know you are getting old when your finger cramps up while scrolling down to find the year you were born on a website.

4. You know you’re old when “happy hour” is a nap.

5. If you remember this (add a photo of a cassette and a pen), you know you’re old.

icon of a casette and a pen

6. You know you’re getting older when you go from being “carded” for alcohol purchases to being asked, “would you like the senior’s discount, sir?”.

7. You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well pee while I’m here.”

8. You know you’re old when you read events you lived in a history book.

9. You know you’re old when you have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize.

10. How to find out if you’re old. Fall down…

If people laugh, you’re young
If people panic, you’re old!

11. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Funny birthday wishes: card with text "You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. "

Funny things to write in a birthday card for specific ages

Are you looking for funny birthday wishes for someone who is turning a specific age? Whether it’s 30, 50, or 80, these funny quotes can be used for just about any age. So feel free to adjust them so they match the recipient’s age.

12. Forty is not old for a turtle. I know you’re not a turtle, but I wanted to share it anyway.

13. Fifty, the ultimate F word.

14. Cheers to 21! (With 29 years of experience).
For someone who is turning thirty, you can change it too: Cheers to 21! (With 9 years of experience).

15. Sixty is the new fifty.

16. You know you’re forty when your back is hairier than your head.

17. The best part of being over forty is that you did most of your stupid stuff before the internet.

18. Feeling 30, looking 40, but turning 50.

19. You still look 21. From a distance. Without my glasses.

20. Congratulations, you reached level 40.

Birthday card with "Level up, congratulations you reached level 40"

21. You’re 60? That’s only 16 in Celsius. Happy birthday!

22. Don’t think of it as turning 30. We’re here to celebrate the 10th anniversary of your 20th birthday.

23. You know you’re 40 when your back is hairier than your head.

24. One year closer to granny pants.

25. On a positive note, you are now too old to have a mid-life crisis. (You can have an old-life crisis if you want though).

26. Happy birthday and welcome to the ’29 years old forever’ club!

27. SIXTY?! I demand a recount!

Birthday card with "60?! I demand a recount"

More age-related funny birthday wishes

28. Age is just a number (a number that says you’re old).

29. Age is just a number. A very big one in your case.

30. A little bird told me how old you were, but don’t worry I ate it.

31. Young at heart (slightly older in other places).

32. Even if you calculated your age in dog years, you would still be, well, old.

33. Congrats on getting a year closer to senior citizen discounts!

34. Birthdays are a lot like golf… It’s a lot more fun if you don’t keep count.

35. One minute, you’re young and fun. Next, you have a favorite burner on the stove. I think we both know which you are…

36. You’re not aging, you’re marinating.

Birthday card with "You're not aging, you're marinating"

37. Remember when you were young and cool? No, me neither.

38. Birthday forecast: Older, but with a strong chance of not giving a f*ck.

39. You’re not old, you’re vintage.

40. Everyone gets to be young once. Today it’s official, your turn is over.

41. Old enough to know better. But still doing it anyway.

42. Today your youth has officially expired.

43. Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.

44. Congratulations, you’ve finally reached the wonder years… Wonder where you left your keys. Wonder who put your phone in the fridge? Wonder what day or year it is?

45. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

46. At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.

Birthday card with "happy birthday at least you're not as old as you will be next year"

47. Birthday warning! Getting older can cause memory loss. Or even worse memory loss.

48. A higher number means a higher value.

49. I will stop making age jokes on your birthday now… you’ve reached the age where it’s genuinely not funny anymore.

50. As you get older, three things happen. The first thing is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.

51. You’re so old when you look at your birth certificate, it says expired.

52. I’d give you a funny card, but at your age, there’s a chance you’ll piss yourself.

53. When you get older, your body gets better at multitasking;  You can laugh, cough, fart, sneeze, and pee all at the same time.

54. Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life by Herbert Asquith.

55. Did you hear that ‘swoosh’ noise? That’s the sound of your youth flying away.

56. The only thing that comes without effort or hard work is old age.

57. Do you know why older people wear a cardigan with everything? Don’t worry you’re one year closer to finding out.

birthday card with a joke

Funny things to write in a birthday card about age and looks

58. You’ve reached the age when every compliment we get is usually followed by “for your age. You’re still really fit though… for your age!

59. Smile while you still have teeth.

60. Happy Birthday! Don’t forget to iron that birthday suit.

61. The secret to staying young is make-up… Make up an age, then stick with it!

62. The secret of staying young is to love, eat healthy, work out, and lie about your age.

63. Those aren’t gray hears you see. They’re strands of glitter growing out of your head.

64. You don’t look a day over 21! From a distance, without my glasses.

Birthday card with "you don't look a day over 21. From a distance without my glasses

Another year’s funny birthday quotes

65. A year closer to wearing socks and sandals.

66. Another year older. Luckily you have something to smile about (you’re still younger than me ☹ ).

67. Another year older and wiser. Well, in your case just older.

68. Another year older. Just let me know how old we’re telling people you are now. Happy Birthday!

69. Here’s to another year of questionable life decisions! Happy birthday

Birthday card with "Happy birthday, here's to another year of questionable life decisions"

Funny things to write on a birthday card related to death

70. Getting a birthday card is kinda like being rewarded for not dying.

71. In dog years, you’d be dead.

72. You might be prehistoric, but at least you’re not extinct!

73. Getting old is tough, but it sure beats the alternative!

Birthday card with "getting old is tough, but it sure beats the alternative"

Funny things to write in a birthday card for drinkers

74. Take your birthday with a grain of salt (and a shot of tequila!).

75. Let the celebrations beGIN (add a photo of gin or a gin gift).

76. Age gets better with wine.

77. Some say the glass is half empty, and others say the glass is half full. I say it’s your birthday, just drink whatever’s in the glass!

78. Age and bottles of beer (or wine or other beverages) should never be counted.

79. You’re just like wine, the older the better.

80. If it’s any consolation prize, in whiskey years you just got more delicious. So, at least you have that going for you.

81. Your birthday is the perfect excuse to get drunk on a weekday. Cheers!

82. If you were a scotch you’d be super expensive and smooth as hell.

Birthday card with "if you were a Scotch, you'd be super expensive and smooth as hell"

Funny birthday card puns

83. A toast on your birthday (add a photo of a toaster and bread).

84. What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? “Pop music.”

85. What goes up and never goes down? “Your age.”

86. You might be getting older, but you donut look like it.

Birthday card with "you might be getting older but you donut like it"

Funny birthday quotes about cake and candles

87. Stand back, I think we’re going to need a lot of candles for this one.

88. Just remember the more candles on the cake, the bigger the cake you’ll get! Now, who’s laughing?

89. Congratulations! You are now old enough to need TWO packs of candles for your cake.

90. Don’t think of it as getting older. Think of it as a day in which you can eat as much cake as you like, and no one will judge.

91. You got to the point where your birthday cake is no longer called a cake… It’s a fire hazard.

92. I wanted to get you a birthday cake, but I couldn’t afford so many candles…

93. You are so old that there is a bonfire on your cake.

94. Today I have gathered the courage to stand in front of you, look into your eyes, hold your hand and tell you… that I am only here for the cake.

95. Is it hotter in here than usual? Must be all the candles on your cake. Happy birthday!

96. Good luck getting a cake big enough to fit all those candles!

97. You know you are old when the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling when your birthday candles are lit.

98. In case you need some help with the candles.

Birthday card with fire extinguishers and "in case you need help with the candles

Funny things to write on a birthday card about gifts

99. Having me as your sister/brother/friend/etc. is really the only gift you need.

100. It might be your birthday today, but you get the best gift each and every day… Me!

101. A wise man once said,  “Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.” I’d like to add: “Forget about your present – I didn’t get you one”.

102. You’re older; you’re wiser; you’re sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents.

103. Happy birthday from the biggest gift in your life (your daughter/brother/sister/friend/etc.)

104. On your special day, I wish you health, love, laughter, wisdom, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship… and all other stuff that doesn’t cost anything. Happy Birthday!

105. You’re a really hard person to shop for… so I didn’t get you anything.

106. Money doesn’t bring happiness. Which is precisely why there’s no money inside this card.

Birthday card with a funny text

Funny birthday jokes about yourself

107. I didn’t need social media to know it was your birthday today.

108. Smart, good-looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!

109. Happy birthday to a crazy friend. Thanks for making me seem like the normal one!

110. There are some gifts even money can’t buy. Like a wonderful and loving boyfriend/friend/girlfriend/husband etc.

111. It’s the day when I remind you that I’m younger than you and I always will be. Happy birthday!

112. You look younger every year. P.S. Feel free to tell me that on my birthday, too!

113. For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.

114. I wish you a happy birthday with all my butt. I was going to say heart, but my butt is definitely bigger.

115. Just imagine all the things you’d want to hear on your birthday …and pretend I wrote them here!

Birthday card with "just imagine all the things you'd want to hear on your birthday, and imagine I wrote them here.

Funny things to write in a birthday card about growing up

116. Don’t grow up, it’s a trap.

117. It’s never too late to be what you want to be. Unless you want to be younger. Then you’re screwed.

118. Can you believe we used to think people our age were adults and had their life in order?

119. Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!

120. You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.

121. Growing older is unavoidable, but growing up is not.

birthday card with "getting older is unavoidable, growing up is not"

Funny birthday quotes about cards

122. I hope your birthday is better than this card.

123. I’m sending you a birthday card because I don’t fit in the mailbox.

Birthday card with a funny message

Fun birthday quotes about social media

124. If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

125. Happy Birthday! May your Facebook wall be filled with messages from people you never talk to.

126. Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.

Birthday card with "happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a facebook reminder"

Funny things to write in a birthday card for a friend

127. You are literally my oldest friend.

128. They say the gift of friendship and love is the best one a person can receive. So that is what I got you for your birthday!

129. Happy birthday to a lifelong friend! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to be terrorizing the senior home nurses together!

130. A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.

Birthday card with"a true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age

Sweet and funny birthday wishes

131. Happy birthday. Enjoy another 365 days of an all-expense paid trip around the sun.

132. May you live long enough to see Amazon delivering on the moon.

133. If gray hair is a sign of wisdom, then you’re a genius!

134. Happy birthday to a person who still isn’t showing his/her age…and definitely not acting it.

135. If things get better with age, then you’re approaching flawless perfection by now!

136. May you live so long that your wrinkles have wrinkles.

137. Wow, look at you growing up and having birthdays! Adulting looks good on you.

138. You definitely don’t look a day older than the age you tell people you are!

Birthday day card with a funny joke

Inside jokes for birthday cards

139. I hope your birthday is better than [the time you two had a horrible experience].

140. I hope your birthday is as much fun as [that super fun night out you had].

141. I hope you don’t celebrate this birthday like [that time they got really pissed] or maybe I do.

142. I hope your day is as beautiful as [something about their appearance or a beautiful experience you had together].

143. Happy birthday to a woman/man who never ceases to amaze me. Some days your brilliance knows no bounds. On other days you [something stupid they did or said].

144. Another year has come and gone. What would I do without you? Not [something they do for you or something they make you do] that’s for sure. Happy birthday!

145. Here’s to another year of [fun/random things you do together].

146. One day you’re young and trendy and the next you’re getting excited over different flavors of hummus [or something random the receiver does].

Birthday card with a joke

Funny things to write in a birthday card for her

147. You can cross ‘dying young’ off your list of stuff to worry about.

148. One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the radio to see better.

149. In banana years, you would be bread.

150. Birthday cake won’t be the only thing getting eaten today. If you know what I mean… (wink, wink).

151. Hope your birthday is filled with lots of love, laughter, and c*ck. *Cake, I meant cake. Damn you autocorrect.

152. On your birthday I wanted to tell you a slut joke. But it was just too whorable.

153. Happy birthday to my favorite b*tch to b*tch about other b*tches with.

 154. You don’t look a day older than fine as f*ck!
(Shop card at Etsy)

funny birthday wishes card with a cake and the text "you don't look a day over fine as f*ck"
Photo courtesy of Dash of Sass Studio

Funny things to write in a birthday card for him

155. The candles aren’t the only thing getting blown today.
(For your boyfriend or husband)

156. I hope your birthday is as good as your d*ck.

157. One minute you’re young and cool. The next you’re googling best leaf blowers… Congrats!

158. I heard old people liked getting cards, so here you go. Congratulations.

159. Get that d*ck ready! I mean… Happy Birthday.

160. Lucky for you, I like older men. Congratulations!

161. Happy birthday you freaking fossil.
(Shop card at Etsy)

funny birthday wishes card with a skeleton of a dinosaur and "happy birthday you fing fossil"
Photo courtesy of Lite Style Designs

More funny things to write in a birthday card

162. To celebrate you being born we are going to put fire sticks in baked goods and sing at you while you sit there awkwardly. (Try to enjoy it).

163. I can’t believe it’s been a year since the last time I didn’t buy you anything for your birthday.

164. Ley the record show that I sent you a card and not a text. If that’s not friendship, I don’t know what it.

165. Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That’s you age! Happy birthday!

166. If I’ve learned anything in my 9 years on this earth, it’s that it’s OK to lie about your age. Happy Birthday!

167. Happy birthday – So far, this is the oldest you’ve ever been!

168. Great news! …you’re still alive!

169. Hip, Hip-Replacement!

170. Despite all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

171. Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest.

Birthday card with "statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest"

Funny birthday card messages for belated b-days

If you are looking for funny birthday card messages for someone whose birthday you accidentally forgot, we’ve got you covered. I mean, it happens to the best of us, and it’s nothing that a well-intended sorry and dash of humor can’t solve.

And for that, check out this list with 137 hilarious belated b-day wishes!

Funny belated card with "Trust me, I didn't forget, it's the card that's late"
Funny birthday card messages for belated b-days

Funny birthday wishes for cakes

Are you baking (or ordering, we won’t judge) a cake for your loved one, friend, or co-worker whose birthday is coming up?

Then a funny birthday wish can make all the difference!

Of course, you can use most of the funny birthday card messages from this list for you cake too. But they will probably be too long and not exactly the type of message you’re looking for.

So to help you out, we’ve created a list of 144 hilarious b-day cake quotes!

funny birthday cake sayings: secure your teeth before you blow
Funny birthday wish on a cake

Save these funny birthday wishes

Did you save these funny birthday wishes on Pinterest yet?

151 Funny birthday wishes and things to write on a birthday card

Final note on funny things to write in a birthday card

Alright, these are the 171 funny birthday wishes I had for you today! Don’t forget to check out the gift guides too to find a perfect gift to match your card!


Hi, I’m Lara, a 30-year-old travel-lover (but who’s not these days?). I love reading, puzzling, world-heritage sites, researching, and making lists, which comes in quite handy when you’re making lists of travel gift ideas!