101 Hilarious Christmas Card Messages Guaranteed to Make Your Friends And Family Laugh Out Loud!

Written by: Lara
Last update:
A Christmas card with red Christmas balls and other decoration
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The holiday season is just around the corner, and that means it’s time to send out Christmas cards! While heartfelt messages are always appreciated, sometimes it’s fun to add a bit of humor to your holiday greetings. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of 101 funny Christmas card messages that are sure to make your loved ones laugh out loud.

From witty one-liners to silly puns, we’ve got plenty of ideas to help you bring a smile to everyone’s face this holiday season. So grab a cup of cocoa and get ready to spread some laughter with these hilarious Christmas card messages for family and friends!

Are you short on time? Check out the editor’s favorite funny Christmas card messages.

  • For family: “In case I don’t see you this Christmas, here are the answers to a few questions I know you would have asked… No. I am still not married, have no boyfriend, and yes I still have that shitty job. Merry Christmas.”
  • For friends: “Happy Holidays! Your gift this year is ME! That’s right. Another year of friendships. Your membership has been renewed.”
  • For your lover: “I love you more than Christmas cookies, and that’s saying a lot!”
  • For the alcoholic: “Wishing you a holly jolly Christmas and enough booze to get through all the family gatherings.”
  • For the naughty ones: “Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a better report card from Santa than last year!”
  • For the gift-obsessed: “I hope your Christmas gifts are better than your dancing skills!”
  • For dad jokes and pun lovers: “How do you know when Santa’s in the room? You can sense his presents!”

Save these Christmas card funny messages

Do you need to send out more holiday greeting cards? Save these funny Christmas card messages on Pinterest, so you’ll know where to find inspiration!

101 funny Christmas card messages with a photo of Christmas decoration

Funny Christmas card messages for family

1. “Wishing you a Christmas full of joy and laughter, unlike our family gatherings.”

2. “May your holiday season be filled with an abundance of cookies, eggnog, and no awkward family conversations.”

3. “In case I don’t see you this Christmas, here are the answers to a few questions I know you would have asked… No. I am still not married, have no boyfriend, and yes I still have that shitty job. Merry Christmas.”

4. “May your Christmas be as wonderful as the in-laws you wish you had.”

5. “Merry Christmas! May your day be filled with lots of love, laughter, and absolutely no fruitcake.”

6. “Wishing you a holiday season so happy, you forget about all the times I broke your cups”.

7. “Deck the halls (and not your family).”

8. “May your Christmas be as bright as the Christmas lights on your neighbor’s house”.

9. “May your Christmas be filled with lots of gifts, lots of food, and absolutely no family drama.”

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10. “May your Christmas be filled with lots of cookies, eggnog, and no arguments over politics.”

11. “Merry Christmas! May your eggnog be spiked and your holiday stress-free.”

12. “Merry Christmas! May your turkey be moist, your gravy be thick, and your family bearable.”

13. “Wishing you a holiday season so jolly, your family photos turn out like a Hallmark movie.”

14. “Wishing you a holiday season so bright, it puts Clark Griswold’s Christmas lights to shame.”

15. “With the inflation at an all-time high, this card is all you’re getting. Merry Christmas!”(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny Christmas card: 'With the inflation at an all-time high, this card is all you're getting."
Photo courtesy of Trap Card Studio

Funny Christmas card messages for friends

16. “Wishing you a holiday season filled with love, joy, and no awkward mistletoe encounters.”

17 “Merry Christmas! May your holiday season be filled with so much love, you forget about all the times [something embarrassing your friend did].”

18. “Time to take off your everyday anxiety and put on your festive anxiety!”

19. “You’re kind of like a Christmas tree. Dressed up on the outside, but dead on the inside.”

20. “Pretend this holiday card says something festive & fun. Or don’t… I don’t give a sh*t.”

21. “Wishing you a holiday season filled with joy, laughter, and no one asking when you’re going to get married/have kids/get a real job.”

22. “Happy Holidays! Your gift this year is ME! That’s right. Another year of friendships. Your membership has been renewed.”

23. “Wishing you a holiday season full of love, joy, and no one asking why you’re still single.”

24. “May your Christmas be as bright as your halo…if you have one, that is.”

25. “I hope the quality time with family doesn’t ruin all the work you did in therapy.”

26. “Wishing you a holiday full of candy canes, spiked eggnog, twinkling lights, and lots of other magical shit.”

27. “May your bells be jingled this Christmas!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

"Mat your bells be jingled this Christmas" funny Christmas card
Photo courtesy of For Cards Sake

28. “Wishing you a holiday season full of laughter, love, and absolutely no fruitcake (seriously, who even likes that stuff?).”

29. “Merry Christmas! May your day be filled with lots of presents, lots of food, and no annoying carolers.”

30. “Merry Christmas, my friend! Here’s to another year of pretending to like each other’s gifts.”

31. “May your Christmas be as merry as the drunk texts you’ll send me after the office party.”

32. “Merry Christmas! May your day be filled with lots of presents, lots of food, and no awkward small talk with your in-laws.”

33. “May your Christmas be filled with lots of cookies, eggnog, and no family drama (because who needs that when you have friends like me?).”

34. “Wishing you a holiday season so happy, you forget about all the times I’ve beaten you at Mario Kart.”

35. “May your Christmas be filled with lots of cookies, eggnog, and no one trying to steal your Secret Santa gift.”

36. “Hope your Christmas is as good as your behavior is questionable.”

37. “Remember, being good is overrated…let’s see what kind of trouble we can get into this Christmas!”

38. “Ho, Ho, Ho… I thought you’d prefer a Christmas card with your name on it. Merry Christmas!”

39. “On the first day of Christmas your true love gave to you a partridge in a pear tree. Nothing. Because you’re single.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Card with "On the first day of Christmas your true love gave to you a partridge in a pear tree. Nothing. Because you’re single."
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

Funny Christmas card messages for your partner

40. “I hope the tree isn’t the only thing getting lit this year.”

41. “Merry Christmas from the best decision you ever made.”

42. “The only package I want for Christmas is yours.”

43. “I think having me as your husband is enough of a gift (you’re welcome).”

44. “I hope your Christmas is as awesome as your ass.”

45. “I wanted to send you something amazing this Christmas, but the postman told me to get out of the postbox. “

46. “Wishing you a ery Merry Christmas! (Don’t worry, I’ll give you the V later).”

47. “I’m so glad we can share in the horror of holiday shopping and the misery of holiday traffic together!”

48. “The turkey isn’t the only one getting a good stuffing at Christmas.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

The turkey isn't the only one getting good stuffing this Christmas, card
Photo courtesy of For Cards Sake

49. “All I want this Christmas is your pig in my blanket (if you know what I mean).”

50. “I love you more than Christmas cookies, and that’s saying a lot!”

51. “You’re the only gift I need this Christmas. But if you do want to get me something, make it chocolate!”

52. “I’m so lucky to have someone who’s always on the naughty list with me!”

53. “You make my heart jingle all the way!”

54. “I’m grateful for you every day, but especially during Christmas when you help me put up all the decorations!”

55. “I’m so glad we have each other to blame for burning the Christmas cookies”.

56. “Thanks for making every Christmas magical, even when we’re stuck in the in-laws’ house for days.”

57. “You’re the only thing on my wish list this year, but I’ll still take the diamond earrings if you’re feeling generous!”

58. “It’s hard to buy you something for Christmas when you got everything you ever wanted when you married me.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny Christmas card for a lover
Photo courtesy of Snarkie Panda

Alcohol-related funny messages inside Christmas cards

59. “Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Beer!”

60. “The holidays will be fine, as long as there is wine.”

61. “May your Christmas be as merry as your favorite bottle of wine.”

62. “Here’s to a holiday season so boozy, you forget all your problems.”

63. “Let’s make this Christmas extra festive with some good old-fashioned holiday spirits.”

64. “Wishing you a holly jolly Christmas and enough booze to get through all the family gatherings.”

65. “May your holiday be filled with Christmas spirit (and by spirit, I mean booze).”

66. “I’m wishing you a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I still have red!”

67. “May your holiday season be filled with lots of cocktails, lots of cheer, and no hangovers.”

68. “Wishing you a holiday season so boozy, you’ll forget all about your crazy relatives.”

69. “May your Christmas be as bubbly as champagne and as smooth as aged scotch.”

70. “Here’s to a Christmas filled with joy, laughter, and enough wine to get you through all the awkward family dinners.”

71. “Christmas comes but once a year, but when it comes, it better brings good beer.”

72. “It’s beginning to look a lot like cocktails.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny Christmas card with cocktails and "It's beginning to look at lot like cocktails"
Photo courtesy of Isabella MG Co.

Santa-related funny messages inside Christmas cards

73. “I hope Santa doesn’t judge you too harshly this year…but I make no promises!”

74. “I hope Santa gives you a fat bank account and a skinny body this year. Not the other way around like he did last year.”

75. “Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a better report card from Santa than last year!”

76. “I hope Santa doesn’t bring you everything you deserve this year… Otherwise, you’ll only be getting coal this year.”

77. “May your Christmas be as good as the bribes you offered Santa to make the ‘nice’ list!”

78. “Wishing you a holiday season so full of mischief, you’ll make Santa’s naughty list twice.”

79. “Remember, Santa knows if you’ve been naughty or nice…so just be naughty and enjoy yourself!”

80. “May your Christmas be as good as your poker face when Santa asks if you’ve been good this year.”

81. “Santa saw your Instagram pictures, so you’re getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Christmas card with 'Santa saw your Instagram pictures, so you're getting clothes and a bible for Christmas."
Photo courtesy of Basic Bitch Design

Gift-related funny messages inside Christmas cards

82. “Wishing you a Christmas full of gifts you don’t have to return!”

83. “I hope your Christmas gifts are as good as your drinking skills!”

84. “I hope your Christmas gifts are better than your dancing skills!”

85. “I hope you like this card because it’s also your present!”

86. “May your Christmas be filled with more gifts than a Kardashian’s closet!”

87. “I hope you love the presents you told me to buy for you.”

88. “This Christmas instead of gifts, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny card for Christmas with "this Christmas instead of gifts, I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited."
Photo courtesy of Dear Elise

Puns to write inside Christmas cards

89. “What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? RUDEolph.”

90. “What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.”

91. “How do you know when Santa’s in the room? You can sense his presents!”

92. “Why don’t Christmas trees knit? They always drop their needles!”

93. “What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight? One slays the dragon, the other drags the sleigh.”

94. Funny Rudolph card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny card with red dot and "Rudolph in a blizzard"
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

Random funny Christmas cards notes

95. “Always jingle all the way… No one likes a half-assed jingler.”

96. “Wishing you a very politically correct Christmas Holiday!”

97. “Happy Holiday, Season’s greetings, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Ho Ho Ho, Deck the Halls, Bah Hum Bug, Have a cool Yule, Go f*ck Yourself, Good Tidings. (whatever works for you).”

98. “It’s beginning to look a lot like, f*ck this!”

99. “Merry Christmas! Here is my obligatory card that you’ll throw away in a few days.”

100. “I hope your Christmas is better than this shitty card.”

101. “Merry Christmas and all that bollox.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Two Christmas balls and "Merry Christmas and all that bollocks"
Photo courtesy of Barry D Bulsara

Save these Christmas card funny messages

Did you save these funny Christmas card messages for family and friends on Pinterest yet?

101 funny Christmas card messages with a photo of Christmas decoration

Final notes on funny Christmas cards notes

Adding a touch of humor to your Christmas cards is a great way to bring joy to your loved ones during the holiday season. Whether you choose a witty one-liner, a silly pun, or something in between, the right funny Christmas card message can make all the difference. So go ahead and let your creativity run wild, and remember to have fun with it! Happy holidays!

AUTHOR

Hi, I’m Lara, a 30-year-old travel-lover (but who’s not these days?). I love reading, puzzling, world-heritage sites, researching, and making lists, which comes in quite handy when you’re making lists of travel gift ideas!