158 Funny Graduation Quotes For Cards That Will Make Them Laugh All The Way To The Podium

Written by: Lara
Last update:
This article has been written and researched by our gift experts following our gift selection guidelines
Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This won’t cost you anything but it helps us to offset the costs of running our site. Read the affiliate disclosure to find out more.
Card with "ConGRADulations" and a rubber duck wearing a graduation hat

Graduation season is here, and to make your graduation card stand out from the rest, we’ve compiled a list of no less than 158 funny graduation quotes for cards! Instead of writing a typical sentimental message about how proud you are of their achievement and blah blah, consider injecting some humor into it with these funny graduation wishes.

Whether you’re congratulating a high school, college, or Ph.D. graduate, these funny quotes and one-liners are sure to add some creativity and humor to your card. So, get ready to be inspired by our collection of funny graduation messages for friends, family, and everyone else!

Are you thinking of giving some boring cash or gift cards to the graduate? Spice it up with one of these DIY money gift ideas that will make them think you actually put in some effort.

Save these funny graduation quotes for cards

Don’t forget to save these witty quotes for graduation on Pinterest so you’ll know what to write on a card for the next graduate!

158 hilarious and funny graduation messages for cards

Funny graduation quotes about student life

1. Congratulations on your graduation! Now you can finally stop telling people that you’re “just a student.”

2. Congratulations on never having to do homework again!

3. 35,000 hours and for what? A piece of paper and a handshake? That you can now proudly display your degree on your wall, where it will gather dust for the next 20 years.

4. Time to throw your graduation cap in the air and your textbooks in the trash.

5. Student chapter complete. Now it’s time to turn the page for a new chapter.

6. Graduate, (n). A person, such as yourself who after extensive study finally completed and received an acknowledgment as to its conclusion. In better words….. YOU’RE DONE!
(Shop card on Zazzle)

Photo courtesy of Zazzle

7. Wow, your liver made it through college. This calls for a drink!

8. Congratulations! I’m sure your body has more coffee running than blood by now!

9. Don’t forget to thank those who were always there for you…coffee, Google, Wikipedia, instant ramen, and Uber Eats.

10. Cheers to the end of all-nighters and Ramen noodles!

11. Well done. You studied information you’ll never use in the job you won’t have now that you graduated. 

12. You can’t spell grades without grad. (Which doesn’t have any hidden meaning, but I just thought it sounded cool).

13. No more all-nighters… At least until the babies come 😉

14. Congratulations on getting through the easiest part of adult life.

Funny graduation congratulations card
Funny graduation card

Funny graduation quotes about student debt

15. Your degree is like a magic wand, but unfortunately, it won’t make your student loan disappear.

16. Funny dog meme card.
(Shop card on Etsy)

Funny graduation card of a dog meme with "such accomplish, much smart, congrats, so broke, wow"
Photo courtesy of Raisin Spirits

17. Now that you’ve graduated, you may be smart enough to work out how to pay your student loans!

18. You spend thousands of dollars on tuition. The least I could do is give you this card for free.

19. Stop pretending to read the card. I know you’re looking for money.

20. You’re basically broke, but congratulations.

21. Funny options for repaying student loan cards.
(Shop card on Amazon)

Funny graduation card about student debt. "Options for repaying student loan: 1. Kickstarter 2. Sell drugs 3. Win lottery 4. Fake death"
Photo courtesy of Amazon

22. Congrats on accomplishing one hell of an expensive piece of paper.

23. Congrats, Grad! You have my complete non-financial support in all your future endeavors.

24. You did it! You’ve earned your degree and now you can officially start your life of crippling student debt.

25. Your degree is like a treasure map, but unfortunately, the treasure is just a lifetime of student debt.

26. You got skills to pay the bills.
(Shop card on Etsy)

"you got skills to pay the bils" graduation card
Photo courtesy of Spelling Bee Cards

Dirty graduation quotes

27. It was long and hard (that’s what she said), but you F*cking did it, Congrats mate!

28. You better be naked under that graduation gown. But also… Congratulations.

29. Get your d*ck ready! I mean… Congratulations!

30. You may be done with your exams, but I am still on your to-do list!

31. Rearrange my guts! I mean…Congratulations!

32. Congratulations honey, now let’s get these pants off!

33. I couldn’t find you a decent present, so I’ll just give you a blowjob.

34. Bend me over. I mean… Congratulations!

Funny graduation card for your partner.
Funny card for your partner

Funny graduation messages for Ph.D. graduates

35. If you have survived pursuing a Ph.D., life cannot knock you down anymore! Congratulations!

36. Congratulations! Now that you have attained your degree, it’s time to meet the outside world!

37. So I hear it’s DR. now?

38. Phucking. Done!
(Shop card on Etsy)

Ph. (uckin') D.(one) card for graduates
Photo courtesy of Eudaimonia Gifts Shop

39. There is finally a doctor in the house! (A Ph.D. doctor, so I may reconsider that heart attack).

40. A long time ago, people who sacrificed their sleep, family, food, laughter, and other joys of life were called Saints. Now, we call them Ph.D. students.

41. Congratulations! Glad that you have obtained your doctorate before going completely bald!

42. I realize you’re not the healing kind of doctor, but still, pretty impressive.

43. While everyone was busy getting an STD, you were busy getting your Ph.D., congratulations!

44. Funny Ph.D. card for female graduates.
(Shop card on Zazzle)

Funny PhD graduation card with boxes of Miss, Mrs, Ms, Dr
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

Funny graduation quotes for friends

45. Here is a piece of paper to congratulate you on earning another piece of paper.

46. Congratulation on finally getting your sh*t together.

47. Congratulations on living up to the basic expectations for people your age.

48. Time to move back into your parent’s house. I mean…. Congratulations!

49. You can call it a graduation, a celebration, a beginning, or an ending. But in your case, I would call it a miracle! Congrats!

50. For your friend who loves memes.
(Shop card on Etsy)

Funny graduation card of a dog meme with "wow amaze, such achieve, much brains, so congrats"
Photo courtesy of Trap Card Studio

51. You did it! You’ve graduated, but unfortunately, you still won’t be able to …. ( write something your friend is really bad at).

52. Good job! You’re now officially smarter than a fifth-grader.

53. F’ing finally! I mean…. Good job!

54. Who knew you were so smart and sh*t. I mean… congratulations.

55. Some graduate with honors, you are just honored to graduate

56. It’s about time…
(Shop card at Zazzle)

Graduation card with a vintage clock and text "it's about time"
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

Sarcastic graduation card messages

57. Dear grad, you have now accomplished the absolute minimum standard of our society, well done!

You survived college, and all you got was this piece of paper?

58. Oh the places you’ll go!… before you move back into your parent’s house.

59. Congrats, you did it! (But so have a lot of other people. Just saying.)

60. Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs. Congratulations on being nothing like those losers and actually graduating!
(Shop card on Etsy)

Card with "Bill Gates, Steve Jobs & Mark Zuckerber"
Photo courtesy of How Aw Card

61. “The main difference for you, between life yesterday and life tomorrow, is you can go to the bathroom whenever you want. It’s a pretty big responsibility, but you’ve earned it.”
— Eugene Mirman

62. “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.”
Robert Orben

63. Congratulations on graduating High School, just to go to school again.

64. Congratulations on meeting the bare minimum job requirements.

65. You know you’ve been in college too long when…

  • You consider fast food to be “real food”
  • You actually like doing laundry at home
  • 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends
  • Two miles is not too far to walk for a party
  • You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it
  • Computer solitaire is more than a hame, it’s a way of life
  • You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps
  • Looking out the window is a form of entertainment
  • Prank phone calls become funny again
  • You start thinking and sounding like your roommate
  • Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth
  • The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday

Enjoy life after college!
(Shop this giant graduation card on Zazzle)

Man holding a giant graduation card with a funny text "You know you've been in college too long when...
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

Kind, but funny graduation quotes

66. Officially too cool for school! Congrats!

67. Straight outta school, and ready to rule!

68. Stop being so awesome, you are making the rest of us look bad.

69. YOU are the best graduate! Everyone else really does SUCK compared to your badASS!
(Shop card on Etsy)

Funny graduation message card with YOU SUCK ASS in capital letters and a smaller hidden graduation message in the middle
Photo courtesy of Pineapple Gifts Shop

70. She came, she saw, she graduated. What’s next?

71. They say you are what you eat, but I didn’t know you could eat a legend

72. Nerd. You knew your goals, and you stuck with it. Next steps? Moving forward. You should be proud- Congratulations.
(Shop card on Etsy)

Graduation card with the text "Nerd."
Photo courtesy of Finch & Hare

73. Your continued success is actually starting to get annoying. But congratulations anyway.

74. (Graduate’s name) you did it! You graduated! Now you are like smart and stuff.
(Shop card on Zazzle)

Man holding an enormous graduation card with a funny graduation message
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

75. Look at you doing grown-up sh*t! Congratulations!

76. The tassel was worth the hassle.

77. Funny Trump-themed card.
(Shop card at Amazon)

Funny trump graduation card with "nobody is better at graduating than you. You are the BEST GRADUATE, very smart, yuuuge brains, everyone agrees with me. Believe me.
Funny trump graduation card

78. A giant trump-themed graduation card.
(Shop giant card on Zazzle)

Man holding an enormous card with an image of Donald Trump and Graduating, this is huge!
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

Funny graduation messages about joining the real world

79. You did it! You made it through the endless cycle of partying, procrastinating, cramming, studying, and exam-taking. Now it’s time for the real world!

80. Welcome to the real world where the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.

81. GET out and have fun! adulthood is About so much more than a JOB!
(Shop card at Etsy)

Card with "get a job"
Photo courtesy of Finch & Hare

82. No more 8 AM classes or all-night study sessions. Now it’s time for a lifetime of 9 to 5’s!

83. Congratulations on graduating! Now the real challenge begins: finding a job that pays you more than minimum wage.

84. You’re a graduate now, which means it’s time to face the real world… and taxes.

85. “Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.” — By Melanie White.

86. I’m sorry you graduated. Now you get to get a job, maybe get married, pay a ton of bills, get fired, find a new job, maybe have a kid or two, more bills, metabolism slows down, work, get sore for no reason, bills, work, taxes, bills. Good luck!

87. The good news is, the world awaits you. The bad news is, the world gets up at around 6:15 AM.

88. Funny graduation card about life after college.
(Shop card at Zazzle)

Funny graduation card with an image of graduates being pushed of a cliff
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

89. I would say “Congrats Grad”, but adulting is not something to celebrate. So… good luck.

90. Your degree is like a superpower, but unfortunately, it won’t help you defeat your arch-nemesis: Monday mornings.

91. Congratulations on all your hard work. And guess what? There is only more to come.

92. Congratulations on your graduation! Now you can finally start living your life in the fast lane… of the job market.

93. The official grad card from your favorite person.
(Shop card at Etsy)

The official grad card from your favorite person, with funny graduation messages on it
Photo courtesy of Chuckle Couple

94. Congratulations! You’ve graduated, but just remember, adulthood is a trap.

95. Your degree is like a ticket to paradise, but unfortunately, paradise is overcrowded.

96. Congratulations on your degree! Just remember, knowledge is power, but money is even more powerful.

97. Congratulations, I wanted to let you know that McDonald’s can’t wait to interview you.

98. You did it. Now, welcome to the real world where fun goes to die.

99. You did it, you fell for the trap, now it’s time for a lifetime of 9 to 5’s!

100. Level complete, now it’s time for the adult game.

101. Life after graduation? IT’s fantastic. I mean, I’m SUre can’t find any drawbaCKS. Welcome to the club!
(Shop card at Etsy)

Card with "It sucks."
Photo courtesy of Finch & Hare

Funny graduation wishes about the graduate’s useless knowledge

102. Congratulations on your degree! Now you can finally use your brain for something other than binge-watching Netflix.

103. Congratulations on your degree! Now you can finally put your extensive knowledge of procrastination to good use.

104. Congratulations on your graduation! Now you can finally put your extensive knowledge of useless facts to good use.

105. Congratulations on your graduation! Now you can finally put your extensive knowledge of TikTok trends to good use.

106. Alas, not all your skills will count in the real world… Congrats anyways.
(Shop card on Zazzle)

Funny graduation card with a beer pong cup and "alas, not all your skills.."
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

Funny sayings for graduation about parents

107. Graduation is a great accomplishment, but don’t forget that your mom is still going to ask you to take out the garbage.

108. You did it! Now you can finally tell your parents to stop asking you when you’re going to graduate.

109. Time to break out the champagne and celebrate your graduation! But don’t forget to drink responsibly… your mom is watching.

110. Congratulations on your degree! Now you can finally use your education to win arguments with your parents.

111. Son what an amazing person you’re turned out to be. We really are great parents. You must be so so proud!

Funny graduation card for your son

Funny graduation quotes about the ceremony

112. When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back.

113. Graduation: A ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it.

114. You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?

115. Congratulations to me for sitting through this long graduation ceremony.

116. “A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” —Robert Orben

117. I won’t cry at your graduation; I just got something in my eye.

118. I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the ceremony.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny graduation wishes card: "i can't wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the graduation ceremony"
Photo courtesy of Kraft Street Paper

Funny graduation messages about what their degree won’t do

119. Your degree is like a badge of honor, but it still won’t get you a discount at the movies.

120. Time to celebrate your graduation! But don’t forget, tomorrow you’ll still have to do the laundry.

121. Your degree is like a passport to success, but unfortunately, you still can’t use it to get a free flight.

122. Your degree is like a ticket to success, but unfortunately, it won’t get you a free ride.

123. Congratulations on your degree! Just remember, a diploma won’t keep you warm at night.

124. Your degree is like a VIP pass to the adult world, but unfortunately, it won’t get you backstage at a Beyoncé concert.

graduation quotes card with: "Congratulations, your degree is like a VIP pass to the adult world, but unfortunately, it won't get you backstage at a Beyoncé concert"
Graduation card

125. Your degree is like a magic carpet, but unfortunately, it won’t take you on a trip to Disneyland.

126. Your degree is like a magic wand, but unfortunately, it won’t help you conjure up a job out of thin air.

127. Your degree is like a golden ticket, but unfortunately, it won’t get you into Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.

128. Your degree is like a map to the stars, but unfortunately, it won’t help you find your keys.

129. Your degree is like a key to success, but unfortunately, you still need to find the right lock.

Card with funny graduation messages "Your degree is like a key to success, but unfortunately, you still need to find the right lock"
Funny graduation card

Witty graduation puns

130. We are EGGceptionally proud of you!

131. Congratulations, you’re such a smartichoke!

132. You did it, you academia nut!

133. Congrats! Why was the diploma found “not guilty”? … because it was framed!
(Shop card at Zazzle)

Card with "congrats! Why was the diplome found not guilty?"
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

134. Congratulations from your biggest fan.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Card with a fan and the text "congrat from your biggest fan"
Photo courtesy of Stack Creates

135. Amazing job, you smart ass!
(Shop card at Etsy)

graduation quotes card: Congrats smart-ass and an image of a donkey
Photo courtesy of Very Pun Stuff

136. A little toast on your graduation.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Card with "A toast to you on your graduation" and an image of a bread toaster
Photo courtesy of Lettuce Build a House

137. Miso proud.
(Shop card at Amazon)

Miso proud graduation card
Miso proud graduation card

138. You snailed it!
(Shop card at Amazon)

Funny graduation card with an image of a snail and "You Snailed it!"
Funny graduation card

139. Congrats on your koala-fications!
(Shop card at Etsy)

Card with "congrats on your Koalafications" and an image of a koala
Photo courtesy of Mind Blowing Studio

Funny graduation quotes from movies and series

140. She doesn’t even go here (anymore). Congrats!
(From the movie Mean Girls)

141. Another funny graduation card from Mean Girls.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Card with "Get in loser, we're going to celebrate" and a photo from a scene of the movie Mean Girls
Photo courtesy of Trill Art

142. Spongebob-themed graduation card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Spongebob-themed graduation card with "four years later"
Photo courtesy of Symple Prints

143. Another funny Spongebob graduation quote.
(Shop card at Amazon)

Funny Spongebob-themed graduation card
Funny Spongebob-themed graduation card

144. Congratulations, you’ve officially become noice, toit, and smart!
(From Brooklyn 99)

145. From the movie The Help.
You is smart
You is kind
You is educated
You is broke

146. The last graduation message from The Office.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny graduation card in The Office theme with "Okay it's happening! You graduated. Everyone stay calm. Sta f*cking calm!
Photo courtesy of Sleazy Greetings

Funny card messages that make fun of the graduate

147. When did they start giving out degrees for slacking? Congrats on graduating.

148. Turns out you’re smarter than you look, congrats.

149. Yesterday you were just a bitch. Today you’re a qualified bitch.

150. Congratulations! You’ve earned a degree, but unfortunately, it still won’t help you parallel park.

151. Good job! Now you’re a clever d*ckhead instead of just a d*ckhead.

152. Congratulations! Now you’re a smartass instead of just an ass.

Funny graduation card for a friend.
Funny graduation card for a friend

More graduation quotes for cards

153. “You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.”
– Tom & Ray Magliozzi

154. 50% Caffeine + 50% Alcohol= 100% graduate!

155. Funny misspelling card.
(Shop card at Zazzle)

Graduation card with You graduated misspelled four times
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

156. You did it! Now walk across that stage in your weird hat and wizard robe into your future!

157. Throw your cappie in the air like you just don’t care.

158. Funny BS card.
(Shop card at Zazzle)

A graduation card with the text: I finally got a degree to go with my BS"
Photo courtesy of Zazzle

Save these funny graduation quotes for cards

Did you save these funny graduation wishes on Pinterest yet?

158 funny graduation quotes with an image of graduation hats in the air

Final note on funny graduation wishes

Alright! I hope that these funny graduation quotes for cards helped you to add some humor and can make your card stand out from the rest and show your support in a unique and memorable way!

AUTHOR

Hi, I’m Lara, a 30-year-old travel-lover (but who’s not these days?). I love reading, puzzling, world-heritage sites, researching, and making lists, which comes in quite handy when you’re making lists of travel gift ideas!