163 Funny Halloween Quotes & Puns For A Spooktacular Time

Written by: Lara
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Halloween decorations and an empty paper

Are you ready to turn your frights into flights of laughter? Then grab your cauldron and prepare for a supernatural list of 163 funny Halloween quotes! We’ve brewed up a bubbling cauldron of hilarious Halloween puns, jokes, sayings, and captions that are sure to leave you howling (no full moon required).

From witchful wisecracks to pumpkin-flavored punchlines, we’ve got a collection of quotes that’ll make the perfect fit for your Halloween letterboard, Instapage, or haunted house to elevate your Halloween from ‘meh’ to ‘muhahaha!’

If you love these funny Halloween quotes, you will also love these hilarious quotes!

Save these funny happy Halloween quotes

Don’t forget to save these funny Halloween quotes on Pinterest for next year!

The 163 funniest Halloween quotes and jokes

Funny Halloween quotes about drinking

1. “Trick or tequila!”

2. “Eat, drink, and be scary!”

3. “Witch better have my potion!”

4. “Sip happens, especially on Halloween.”

5. “Let’s get sheet-faced. I’m already smashed.”
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Funny Halloween card with a ghost and a pumpkin
Photo courtesy of Paper Violet Designs

6. “Boo’s there? It’s just me and my drink!”

7. “Ghosts may not need to hydrate, but I sure do.”

8. “Pour decisions only, this Halloween.”

9. “Wine and spirits – the true Halloween essentials.”

10. “Just curious if you can recommend a wine that pairs well with eating my children’s Halloween candy.”
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Funny Halloween quote on card "Just curious if you can recommend a wine that pairs well with eating my children’s Halloween candy. "
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

11. “I’m too old to trick-or-treat, but not too old to have a boozy good time.”

12. “Sip, sip, hooray – it’s Halloween today!”

13. “I’m just here for the boos and booze.”

14. “Witch way to the wine?”

15. “Hocus Pocus, I need a focus – preferably in a wine glass.”

16. “Raise your spirits, it’s Halloween!”

17 “Potion in motion – that’s my Halloween motto.”

18 “I’m here for the boos.”
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Funny Halloween sayings card "I'm just here for the boos"
Photo courtesy of Amy and Alfred Designs

19. “Ghouls just wanna have rum.”

20. “Trick or drink!”

21. “I’m no witch, but I’ve mastered the craft of mixology.”

22. “Zombies only want one thing: a good bottle of red.”

23. “Let’s get smashed.”

24. “Happy Halloween! I think adults should be allowed to trick or treat at the liquor store and get those little mini bottles as treats.”
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Funny Happy Halloween card about trick or treat for adults
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

Funny Halloween puns

25. “Why did the ghost go to the party? For the haunting music!”

26. “Witch way to the candy?”

27. “Fangs for the memories.”

28. “Boo! You scared the pit out of me.”
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Funny Halloween pun with an avocado
Photo courtesy of Press and Pour

29. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!”

30. “Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!”

31. “This is my resting witch face.”

32. “Existential pumpkin crisis. What’s wrong Gordie? I feel kind of hollow inside.”
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Funny Halloween pun card
Photo courtesy of Press and Pour

33. “Just witchful thinking.”

34. “I’m a ghoul for Halloween puns.”

35. This is the cheesiest Halloween card I could find.”
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This is the cheesiest Halloween card I could find, with funny Halloween puns with cheese
Photo courtesy of Paper Violet Designs

36. “I’m just a girl who loves her mummy.”

37. “Why was the mummy so tense? He couldn’t unwind!”

38. “What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.”

39. “Broom parking: $5. Violators will be toad.”

40. “What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music!”

41. “Normal distribution. Paranormal distribution.”
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Funny Halloween card with a graph
Photo courtesy of I Do Emporium

Trick or Treat funny Halloween sayings

42. “I’m just here for the frights and the candy bites.”

43. “Trick or treat yourself!”

44. “I’m on a strict candy diet for Halloween. It’s called ‘Eat all the candy you can find.'”

45. “Witch better have my candy!”

46. “Candy corn is a vegetable, right?”

47. “I’m here for the treats, not the tricks.”

48. “I’m too old to trick-or-treat, but not too old to eat all your candy.”

49. “Happy Halloween! I’ll be handing out those tiny candy bars this Halloween. I think they’re called bite-me-sized.”
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Funny Halloween quote card
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

50. “A pumpkin man sits in a pumpkin house. Is the house made of flesh or is he made of house? He screams, for he does not know.”

51. “Call me cute and give me candy.”

52. “Tricks are for kids and hookers.”

53. “Will trade [sister/brother/husband/wife etc.] for candy.”

54. “This Halloween, I think I’ll just set out a big empty bowl that says ‘Take one’. That way all the kids will think some jerk took it all.”
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Funny Halloween card
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

(Dirty) Funny Halloween quotes for your lover

55. “You’re the pumpkin spice to my everything nice.”

56. “Our love is so sweet, it’s spooky!”

57. “Riding my broom and wishing it was you…”

58. “Talk spooky to me.”

59. “Netflix and Kill.”
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Funny Halloween card with "netflix and kill"
Photo courtesy of Spaghetti Meatballs

60. “Touch my boo-bies. I mean… happy Halloween.”

61. “I leave bite marks.”

62. “Hey pumpkin. You light up my night.”

63. “I like long romantic walks through haunted houses.”

64. “Love you to pieces.”
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Funny Halloween movie card
Photo courtesy of Vickster Charm

65. “This Halloween, I’ll be a freak in sheets.”

66. “I promise not to ghost you, even after Halloween.”

67. “Forget your broom. Ride me instead.”

68. “Bend me over… I mean, Happy Halloween.”

69. “If you were a zombie, I’d let you eat my heart out.”

70. “Dead inside but still love you.”
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Dead inside but still love you Halloween card
Photo courtesy of Spaghetti Meatballs

71. “I’m under your spell – and I’m not just talking about Halloween magic.”

72. “Being with you is a treat that lasts longer than any candy stash.”

73. “I know which stick I’ll be flying tonight.”

74. “Dead inside but still love you.”

75. “I’m glad I went with the vibrating model. Happy Halloween.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny dirty Halloween card with a broom
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

Halloween Instagram captions

76. “I’m friends with the monsters under my bed.”

77. “Being normal is vastly overrated – be a unicorn witch instead.”

78. “Caution: Witch crossing.”

79. “I’m here for the boos and the booze.”

80. “Just a bunch of Hocus Pocus.”

81. “I’m the ghost with the most.”

82. “Candy and costumes – my kind of holiday.”

83. “If the broom fits, fly it!”

84. “Squad ghouls.”

85. “Never trust the living.”

86. “Boo, it’s spooky season!”

87. “Dead inside, but caffeinated.”

88. “You say witch like it’s a bad thing.”

89. “I don’t need Halloween, I ghost people all year round.”

90. “Move over hot girl summer. It’s spooky b*tch season.”

91. “This is some boo sh*t.”

92. “You don’t have to die to be dead to me.”

93. “I’m not saying I’m a witch, I’m just saying unexpected things happen when I’m around.”

94. “Hocus pocus I need coffee to focus.”

95. “Only bad witches can drive a stick.”

96. “Keep calm and scary on.”

97. “Spooky vibes.”

Funny Halloween Instragram captions with photos from Halloween
Funny Halloween Instagram captions

Funny Halloween tombstone quotes

98. “I told you I was sick.”

99. “I’m just dying to know what’s for dinner.”

100. “Gone haunting. Back by midnight.”

101. “Here lies the last person who asked me if I was a vampire.”

102. “I finally found a way to get some peace and quiet.”

103. “Sleeping like a log (or is that a coffin?)”

104. “Died of boredom, now haunting for fun.”

105. “She was dead to us anyway.”

106. “I guess the monster under my bed finally got me.”

107. “Died of too much candy. No regrets.”

108. “Ghosting before it was a relationship status.”

109. “Death: The Original Disappearing Act.”

110. “Fresh to death.”

Funny Halloween thombstone saying "Fresh to death"
Funny Halloween tombstone quotes

Funny Halloween letter board quotes

111. “If you’ve got it, haunt it.”

112. “Boo Felicia!”

113. “Ghouls just wanna have fun.”

114. “Squad ghouls.”

115. “If you were a ghost, you’d still be my boo.”

116. “Creepin’ it real.”

117. “Basic witch.”

118. “Boo-tiful inside and out.”

119. “Witch, please!”

A letterboard with the words "Witch Please!"
Funny Halloween letter board quote

Funny Halloween skeleton quotes

120. “I’m all bones and no guts – the perfect Halloween diet.”

121. “Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.”

122. “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”

123. “I’ve got a humerus sense of humor.”

124. “Zombies envy my lack of brainpower.”

125. “I’m a skeletal influencer – no skin, all style.”

126. “Having a bony day, just hanging around.”

127. “I’ve been ‘dying’ to meet you. Oh wait, I already have!”

128. “Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with!”

129. “Bone to be wild.”

Funny Halloween quote "Bone to be wild" with a background photo in Halloween style
Funny Halloween skeleton quotes

Funny Halloween costume quotes

130. “Costumes are my favorite disguise for eating all the candy.”

131. “Why be normal when you can be spooky?”

132. “Halloween is the one time of year when you can be yourself.”

133. “I’m dressing up as myself for Halloween. I figure it’s the scariest costume I can come up with!”

134. “For Halloween, you should go as a slutty witch because then all you need to do is find a pointy hat.”

135. “Halloween: The one night a year when everyone is encouraged to be exactly what they aren’t.”

136. In the girl world, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girl can say anything about it.”

137. “This costume isn’t just for Halloween – it’s my year-round attitude.”

138. “Every time you get dressed, remember: if you die that’s your ghost outfit forever.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny Halloween quote about costume
Photo courtesy of Animal Cracker Studio

Funny Halloween quotes about monsters, zombies, and scares

139. “Zombies are just people who need a little coffee before they’re fully awake.”

140. “It’s Halloween. Everyone is entitled to one good scare.”

141. “If one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.”

142. “Apocolocynposis (n): the fear of turning into a pumpkin.”

143. “If you are reading this then you are blissfully aware of what is creeping up behind you. Happy Halloween.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny and scary Halloween card quote
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

144. “Zombies ate my homework.”

145. “I’m all about that monster mash life.”

146. “Creepin’ it real since day one.”

147. “Mombie. Like a zombie, but with kids.”

148. “It’s not Halloween without a full moon.”
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Funny dirty Halloween card
Photo courtesy of Ha Ha Cards

Funny Halloween movie quotes

149. “It’s all just a bunch of hocus pocus.” — Hocus Pocus

150. “I’m a mouse, duh.” —Mean Girls

151. “No tears, please. It’s a waste of good suffering.” — Hellraiser

152. “Dreams screams come true.” — Scream

153. “It’s alive! It’s alive!” — Frankenstein

154. “No you hang up.” — Scary Movie

155. “Boo, you whore.”
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Halloween card with "boo you whore"
Photo courtesy of Ris For Robo

156. “To die would be an awfully big adventure.” — Peter Pan

157. “I see dead people.” — The Sixth Sense

158. “I’m not bad. I’m just drawn that way.” — Who Framed Roger Rabbit

159. “Here’s Johnny!” —The Shining

160. “Why so serious?” — The Dark Knight

161. “One, two, Freddy’s coming for you.”
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Funny Halloween movie quote card
Photo courtesy of Vickster Charm

Save these funny happy Halloween quotes

Did you save these funny Halloween quotes on Pinterest yet?

163 funniest Halloween captions for instragram

Final notes on funny Halloween phrases

With these 163 wickedly funny Halloween quotes up your sheets, you’re armed to spread laughter through the darkest of nights!

AUTHOR

Hi, I’m Lara, a 30-year-old travel-lover (but who’s not these days?). I love reading, puzzling, world-heritage sites, researching, and making lists, which comes in quite handy when you’re making lists of travel gift ideas!