101 Funny Long Distance Relationship Quotes To Bridge The Distance With Humor

Written by: Lara
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An image of a man an woman with a phone distance

As someone who is in a relationship that’s more video calls than cuddles, I know the struggle. Missing my boyfriend and friends every day sucks. And that’s why I’ve gathered 101 funny miss you quotes to share with your loved ones far away. Because I’ve found that sharing a good laugh is the ultimate way to bridge the gap. From funny long-distance quotes I’ve personally shared with my boyfriend to quirky messages that I’m keeping in the back of my head to send them in the future when we need a good laugh.

So whether you’re trying to add a bit of humor to your long-distance romance or just want to share a funny long-distance friendship quote with your BFF for a virtual laugh these witty quotes will be your go-to source!

Do you love these funny miss you quotes and are you looking for more hilarious messages to share with your loved ones?

Then have a look at these funny quotes and gift guides too

Save these long-distance quotes

Don’t forget to save these funny miss you quotes on Pinterest!

101 funny long distance relationship quotes with an image of hearts

Funny miss you quotes

1. I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

2. I miss you like a fat girl misses cookies.

3. I miss your stupid face.

4. I miss you, probably not as much as you miss me because I am awesome, but still, I freaking miss you.

5. Your face. I miss that sh*t.

6. I miss you and I miss warming my feet on your body.

7. I want to throw a rock at your face, so you know how much it hurts to miss you.

8. Funny missing you rating card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny missing you rating card
Photo courtesy of Stop Being Weird

9. What? Me? Miss you? Only every single second of every single day.

10. Every day I miss you, but today I get you a card.

11. I miss you so much that I even miss your snoring, just to give you an idea of how much I actually miss you.

12. If you think missing me is hard, you should try missing you.

13. Sometimes I miss you so much, I just want to rip you out of my dreams and hug you!

14. I miss waking up next to you in the morning (with morning breath and all).

15. If I had a dollar for every time I miss you, I could buy a private jet and fly right to you!

16. I miss you so much, that I can’t stop thinking about you no matter what I am doing. P.S., I wrote this message while I was on the toilet.

17. I miss you! It feels like it has been millions of years.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny long distance quotes card with an dinosaur and it feels like millions of years
Photo courtesy of Water Street Designs

General funny long-distance quotes

18. “Whoever coined the term “absence makes a heart grow fonder,” was an idiot. Absence makes a b*tch grow crazy.” —Toni Aleo

19. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and the phone bill higher.

20. We may be better together, but we’re also awesome apart.

21. “What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you.” — Richard Wilbur

22. I’m jealous of people who get to see you every day.

23. I hate to break it to you, but moving away doesn’t mean you’re getting rid of me. You’re kind of stuck with me.

24. I put a hug here for you.
(Shop card at Etsy)

A funny miss you quote card with "i put a hig in there for you"
Photo courtesy of The Card Aisle

Funny long distance relationship quotes

25. The only benefit of having a long-distance boyfriend is not having to shave your legs that much.

26. If it wasn’t for you, we would be in a normal relationship. But no, you like to go the extra mile and turn it into a long-distance relationship.

27. Not that I’m your creepy stalker or anything, but I know that you’re reading this right now and I know that you know that I miss you right now.

28. In case I haven’t told you lately. I love you. You are amazing. I miss you when we are apart. You are sexy. You are a good person. I think about you all the time. You mean the world to me. You are my favorite person. I love your smile. You make me happy. So there you go, that will do for a week 😉.

29. You are my favorite notification. 

30. Forever waiting for our next hello.

31. The only thing good about this long-distance is that your farts can’t travel this far.

32. The longer the wait, the sweeter the kisses.

33. They say love knows no boundaries. Well, apparently, it also knows no time zones.

34. You are the reason I always look down at my phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.

35. Want to learn how someone really handles frustration? Put them in a long-distance relationship and give them a slow internet connection. — Lisa McKay

36. Missing you is like missing a piece of myself.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny miss you quote card with a naked turtle and missing you feels like missing a piece of me
Photo courtesy of Fox Card Co

37. I like it when you smile, I love it when I’m the reason, but I hate seeing it on the pixelated screen.

38. All I need is your love, your hugs, and your kiss. But a little chocolate over the mail every now and then doesn’t hurt.

39. If you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day just remember. We’re apart the rest of the year too.

40. Love knows no distance, but it sure knows how to test patience.

41. The pros and cons of a long-distance relationship. You don’t get to spend every day with me (ironically this is both the pro and con).

42. Even pizza sucks without you.

43. Every time we are away from each other, my heart is like “Well, this sucks!”.

44. Arguing in a long-distance relationship: Don’t you type at me in that tone of voice!

45. My heart holds you when my arms cannot.

46. Funny I miss you card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny I miss checklist card
Photo courtesy of Personal Paper Hugs

Sexy & funny long distance relationship quotes

47. I am in my bed. You are in your bed. One of us is in the wrong place.

48. I just want you to be happy, that’s all I want. Well, that and here. And naked.

49. I wish I could copy and paste you into my bed.

50. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m using my hand to think of you.

51. I feel empty without you (literally).

52. My lady parts miss your manly parts.

53. When you get this card stop what you’re doing, take your underwear off, and take a picture for me.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Photo courtesy of Good Dirty Fun

54. You’re always in my (inappropriate) thoughts.

55. I miss you with all my butt. I would say heart but my butt is bigger.

56. Missing you and keeping you in my (perverted) thoughts.

57. I miss your butt.

58. You should get on a plane and come f*ck me.

59. This card reminded me of you.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Valentine's Day card message with "this card reminded me of you" with images of bananas, eggplants, and cucumber
Photo courtesy of Spelling Bee Cards

60. Today I had a cupcake with frosting and it reminded me of you. Sweet and lickable.

61. I wish I was kissing you instead of missing you.

62. All I want is to fall asleep with you every night and wake up next to you every morning (preferably naked).

63. This card does not contain nudity, sex, or naught language… I will provide these things in person.

64. My favorite place is inside your hug.

65. I miss every bone in your body, but there is one in particular that I’m missing.

66. Here is a nude selfie in the dark just for you.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny card with a message for Valentine’s Day "Here's a nude selfie in the dark just for you. You're welcome"
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

67. I miss your face (between my legs).

68. I wanted to send you something sexy, but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox.

69. Long distance relationships: Great for birth control. Not so great for simultaneous orgasms.

70. I can’t wait to touch your butt again.

71. You remind me of my small toe. Sooner or later (most likely later), I’m going to bang you on the kitchen table.

72. The only good thing about being apart is that my showers are significantly shorter when I’m alone and my wallet and Mother Earth are definitely happy about that.

73. I can’t wait to kiss your lips. (And all your other body parts too).
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny long distance relationship quotes card with "can't wait to kiss your lips and other parts too"
Photo courtesy of Spelling Bee Cards

Funny long distance friendship quotes

74. We might be miles apart, but our jokes are always on the same wavelength!

75. They say ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder,’ but for us, it makes the jokes grow wilder!

76. We’re both too socially awkward to make new acquaintances and form new commitments; therefore, I suppose we’ll remain friends forever, even if we live far apart.

77. We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.

78. You won’t get rid of me just by moving away!

79. Friends come and go like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stick. Like an octopus on your face. You’re my octopus.

80. I am one boob, and you are the other boob, and together… we are breast friends!

81. This card is from your hot secret admirer and definitely not from your bestie. (Okay I lied, it’s from me and I miss you!).
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny long distance friendship quote card
Photo courtesy of Twisted Haggis

82. Never let your friends be lonely…. Disturb them all the time.

83. I miss drinking wine and talking sh*t with you!

84. We may not have the same DNA, but we share the same crazy!

85. The only one happy about this long-distance friendship is my liver, it is finally getting time to recover from all our nights together.

86. I know you hate to talk on the phone, so I sent you this card instead.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny card for someone who doesn't like phone calls
Photo courtesy of Oh You’re So Tough

87. Here is a hug. I know it looks a lot like a card. But actually, if you look really hard, it’s a card hug!

88. True friendship is built on solid foundations that can withstand distance, such as alcohol, laughter, gossip, and mutual hatred of the same people!

89. The hardest part about being away from you, is pretending to like my new friends as much as I like you.

90. Miss you! We’re overdue for a bottle (or three) of wine!

91. It’s the little things that make us friends and that make me think about you (like alcohol).

92. I hope your new neighbors are weirdos so you’ll hurry and move back!

93. Funny friends rating card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny friendship rating card
Photo courtesy of Twisted Haggis

94. You live too far from me!

95. Even chocolate sucks without you.

96. I really wish you lived next door! Though at this point, I’d already appreciate it if you just lived in the same freaking state.

97. I thought that with the bad influence (you) moving away, I would finally get my life together. It turns out, I was the bad influence and you held my life together. Miss you, my friend!

98. No matter the distance, you will always be my best-TEA!

99. Thanks for always responding to my random text.

100. We live so far apart because the world isn’t ready for that much awesomeness (or craziness).

101. For the record, I am totally fine with you kidnapping me!

Save these funny long-distance quotes

Did you save these funny miss you quotes on Pinterest yet?

101 funny long distance quotes with an image that says "love"

Final notes on these funny miss you quotes

Alright, I hope that these 101 funny long-distance relationship quotes will help you through the ups and downs as much as they’ve helped me. And may they continue to bring smiles and forge connections, proving that distance is no match for the power of love and shared laughter.

And if you have more hilarious quotes to add to the list that may help other long-distance couples break the distance, shoot me a message so I can keep adding to this list!


Hi, I’m Lara, a 30-year-old travel-lover (but who’s not these days?). I love reading, puzzling, world-heritage sites, researching, and making lists, which comes in quite handy when you’re making lists of travel gift ideas!