151 Hysterically Funny New Job Wishes To Make Them Laugh On Their Big Day!

Written by: Lara
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A post it on a wall with "new job"

So, your favorite colleague, friend, or relative just snagged a shiny, brand-new job, and now you’re on a quest for the perfect congratulatory message? Then you came to the right place! We’ve gathered the most unique and funny new job wishes that will have them snorting coffee out of their nose at the office (or at least, cracking a tiny chuckle).

In this blog post, we’re serving up not 10, not 50, but a whopping 151 funny new job messages that are practically guaranteed to bring out their smile and make their first day at the office a tad more bearable.

From witty one-liners to clever puns, we’ve got it all. So, whether you’re looking to bring a grin to the face of a colleague who’s leaving or a friend who just landed their first job, we’ve got you covered!

Save these funny congratulations for a new job

Don’t forget to save these funny new job wishes on Pinterest to surprise your next friend or co-worker with a new job!

151 funny new job wishes and congratulations!

Funny new job wishes for colleagues

1. “Dear Meanie: I hope your new job is the worst. Sincerely, your old (better) coworker who misses you already.”

2. “So you’re leaving me in the middle of this sh*t show alone?”

3. “First of all RUDE. Second of all, HOW DARE YOU!”

4. “Please don’t leave me alone with these f*cking people! I’m going to miss you a lot, but congratulations on your new job.”

5. “I feel sorry for whoever gets your job next… But I’m super happy for you!”

6. Funny final performance review.
(Shop card at Etsy)

A funny new job crad with a performance review
Photo courtesy of Zumm Gifts

7. “Jog on Judas! We hope you will not betray your new co-workers!”

8. “We really DON’T want you to leave for your new job, but if you must LET THE memories we shared make you smile. The DOOR is always open. May your new job HIT YOU with all the best it has to offer.”

9. “We’ll miss the way you made us all look better by comparison.”

10. “You are going to miss this place because we are such f*cking delights.”

11. “I thought we were work besties! But you’re leaving for a new job, so I guess you value peace of mind, security, and a positive workplace environment over our friendship… Good luck.”

12. “FINally you are making the movE! LEAVE here with our full support.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny sarcastic foldable new job congratulayions card
Photo courtesy of Finch and Hare

13. “F*cking quitter… I mean, congratulations on the new job!”

14. “You’ve got a new job! I’ll miss you. Whatever you do, don’t look back, fly fast, and far from this train wreck of a workplace. Be free little birdie, be free!”

15. “Look HR might have been okay with a 30-day notice, but I needed at least 6 months to mentally prepare for this…”

16. “Good luck with your new job. I was going to get you a personalized card, but I’ve already forgotten your name.”

17. “Thought you left years ago tbh…”

18. “How dare you better yourself and leave me here to rot!”

19. Funny traitor card.
(Shop card at Amazon)

Funny card for co-worker leaving with a badge that says "Traitor"
Photo courtesy of Amazon

20. “F you and F your new job. You massive, selfish, bastard!”

21. “We will miss you. We printed this card on the office printer so you can take a piece of this place to your new job.”

22. “Chance made us coworkers. Surviving this crazy place together made us friends. I’ll miss you!”

Do you need more funny new job wishes for a co-worker?

Then check out these 88 hilarious farewell quotes for co-workers.

23. “Fine. Then go and be fabulous somewhere else.”

24. “Congrats on making it out here! Please take me with you…”

25. “Good luck with finding better colleagues than us. (And with your new job).”

26. “WE WON’T know what to do with you MISSing. It’s so hard to see YOU go. Good luck!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job card message that is foldable
Photo courtesy of Finch and Hare

27. “I can’t believe you applied for a new job (and got it). Well… actually I can. This place sucks and you’re awesome.”

28. “I hope our circle back’s circles back again in the future. But until then, good luck with your new job!”

29. “Sorry for your loss. And by loss we mean no longer having us as your co-workers.”

30. “You can box up your desk, but you can’t box up these memories.”

31. “Hate to say it, but your new colleagues will be sh*t compared to us.”

32. “Chance made us co-workers. Sarcasm, gossip, and a strong hatred for the same people made us friends. I’ll miss you, but I wish you all the best in your new job.”

33. Funny leaving definition card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny leaving card: definition of leaving
Photo courtesy of Custom Gift AML

34. “You will be missed…not by me, but by someone, somewhere. I think?”

35. “Go on then go! Walk out the door. Don’t turn around now. Cause you don’t work here anymore! Saying goodbye in true karaoke style, wishing you all the best at your new job.”

36. “I know you’re moving on to bigger and better things… But I’m not a fan.”

37. “Later traitor! (We will miss you).”

38. “Don’t bother to tell anyone else about your new job. I’ve told them it’s to pursue your dream of becoming a pole dancer.”

39. “It’s not a goodbye. It’s a CC you later.”

40. “We can’t believe YOU ARE leaving. This place will be DEAD without you. TO US you are irreplaceable.”
(Shop card at Etsy )

Funny new job carrd with "We can't believe you are leaving. This place will be dead without you. To us, you are irreplaceabe.
Photo courtesy of Sticky Bee Design Co

Funny new job wishes for friends

41. “Someone gave you a job!? Wow!”

42. “You’ve had more jobs than indeed…”

43. “So you got yourself a new job? And you didn’t ask if they had one for me? You selfish bastard!”

44. “Well, you most certainly proved me wrong… Congrats!”

45. “Congrats! Remind me what you do again.”

46. “Look at you all landing a new job and sh*t.”

47. “New job, same old you, but with a fancier title. Cheers!”

48. “Please pass on my deepest sympathies to your new colleagues.”

49. “This calls for champagne! (Or in our case, some reasonably priced prosecco).”

50. Funny awkward name card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job card with a fill in the blanks for awkward name forgetting
Photo courtesy of Twisted Haggis

51. “Congratulations on finding a new job and quitting your old one without being escorted out of the building first!”

52. “Well done w*nker, you’ve actually got a job!”

53. “Congrats on your new job. How long before they figure out you did all the work?”

54. “Congrats on the job! When are you moving out? Asking for a friend.”

55. “New job, same old you. Just kidding! Here’s to a fresh start and a fantastic future.”

56. “Congratulations on your new job! May your boss always think you’re working hard, even when you’re watching cat videos.”

57. Funny cat card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job congratulations card with a cat
Photo courtesy of With Love from the Cat

58. “Congrats on the job! Just remember, ‘working hard’ and ‘hardly working’ can sometimes get confusing.”

59. “Congratulations on your new job! If it gets tough, just think of it as ‘paid adulting with benefits’.”

60. “I still don’t understand your job, but I’m super happy for you!”

61. “Congratulations on your new job! Now that you’re a working adult, I guess we’ll have to start planning ‘grown-up’ vacations.”

62. “Congrats on the new gig! Don’t forget us little people when you’re making millions.”

63. “Congratulations on your new job! Just remember, you can’t call in ‘sick’ every time there’s a new Netflix series to binge.”

64. “I will miss venting about my life to you instead of working!”

65. New job. Who dis?”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job card with "new job, who dis"
Photo courtesy of Hue Complete Me

Funny new job wishes for him

66. “Don’t go! We’ll install a whiskey machine in the break room. That’s not a benefit you’ll get at your new job! Think about it…”

67. “Congrats on your first job. Now it’s actually time to put your big boy pants on!”

68. Funny The Office card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny congrats on your new job card with an image from The Office TV show
Photo courtesy of The Cardtel Cards

69. “A wise man once said ‘I’m soooo over this’ and then he found a new job.”

70. “New job, new opportunities to show off that impressive tie collection. Best of luck!”

71. “Congratulations on your new job! May your co-workers appreciate your dad jokes as much as we do.”

72. “New job, same old swagger. Here’s to conquering the corporate world with style.”

73. Funny congrats on your new job card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny "congrats on your new job" card
Photo courtesy of Studio Boketto

Funny new job wishes for her

74. “A wise woman once said “I’m soooo over this” and then she found a new job.”

75. “Congratulations, time to put your big girl pants on!”

76. “This Barbie got her Dream Job!”

77. “Good luck in your new job! May your co-workers be as fabulous as your wardrobe.”

78. “New job, same amazing you! I know you’re going to rock it.”

79. “New job?! Um, yes! I love that journey for you!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

"new job, um yes. I love that journet for you!" card
Photo courtesy of The Cardtel Cards

Funny good luck with your new job messages

80. “Break a leg!”

81. “Good luck in your new job! Now that you have a paycheck, you can finally buy me that pizza you owe me.”

82. “Don’t get a job, it’s a trap! Oh sh*t, too late. Well in that case, best of luck!”

83. “Good luck in your new job! May your coworkers be as smart as you pretend they are.”

84. “Good luck in your new position! Remember, the more you learn, the more you realize you know nothing.”

85. “Good luck. I’m egg-static for you!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job pun card with "I'm EGGstatic for you"
Photo courtesy of Twisted Haggis

Sarcastic and funny congratulations on a new job

86. “Congratulations! Good thing they don’t do proper background checks…”

87. “Congrats on your new job! I hope this one doesn’t suck!”

88. “Congrats! Don’t f*ck it up!”

89. “It only takes one person to make a difference. I’m not convinced you can, but there are a lot of people out there changing the world.”

90. “Congrats on the new job! I guess you really are smart…”

91. “Welcome to the jungle of 9 to 5s, horrible colleagues, commute, and endless meetings. I mean… congratulations on your new job.”

92. “You were made for this! I have no clue what you do, but I’m sure you’re made for it.”

93. “Wow! I guess that ‘fake it till you make it’ thing really worked. Congrats on your new job.”

94. “Congrats on the new job! Welcome to the ‘adulting’ club, where ‘9-5’ is just code for ‘trap’!”

95. “Congrats on the job! Now you can join the exciting world of ‘Monday to Friday.'”

96. “Welcome to the rat race! I hope you have some really fast sneakers.”

97. “Congrats on your success! Now that you’re in charge, you can blame everyone else for your mistakes.”

98. “Wishing you all the best in your new role! Remember, with great power comes a greater number of pointless meetings.”

99. “Congratulations on your success! Just think of all the new and exciting ways you’ll find to procrastinate.”

100. “Congrats on the new gig! You’ve successfully traded your dreams for a cubicle.”

101. “Ooooh look at me, I’ve got a new job! F*cking pathetic.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job wishes card with "ooooooh, look at me I've got a new job. F*cking pathetic"
Photo courtesy of Shrugs and Kisses

Funny new job wishes for graduates

102. “Congrats on your first job! You’ve officially upgraded from ‘student’ to ‘adulting amateur.'”

103. “Wishing you success in your new role! Now that you’re employed, you can start paying back those student loans… slowly.”

104. “Congrats on the new gig! Just remember, ‘office hours’ are not the same as ‘college party hours’.”

105. “Congratulations on your first job! Don’t worry; in the real world, ‘all-nighters’ basically mean you got 8 hours of sleep.

106. “Congratulations on your first job! Now you can finally afford more than just instant noodles.”

Are you looking for more funny new job wishes for someone who just graduated? Check out these 158 hilarious quotes for graduates too!

107. “Good luck with your first job! Just think of it as an ‘advanced degree’ with a paycheck.”

108. “Wishing you success in your new role! Just remember, you can’t procrastinate your way through life anymore.”

109. “Congratulations on your first job! Now that you’re a working adult, you can finally join the ‘adulting complaints’ club.”

110. “Congratulations on the job! May your office chair be comfier than your old dorm room bed.”

111. “Congrats on the new gig! Now you can finally say, ‘I went to college to get a job to pay for college.'”

112. “YOU ARE TOTALLY ready for this! I say SCREW the naysayers; you’ll succeED.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job congratulations card that is foldable
Photo courtesy of Finch and Hare

Funny new job quotes for a first job

113. “Congratulations. I can’t believe someone has actually employed you!”

114. “Congrats on your new job! Since it’s your first job ever I decided to share a few workplace-only definitions that you will surely come in handy in your new gig.”

  • Per my last email – You better re-read the whole thing again so you won’t ask me stupid question
  • As stated below – You need to read the entire email chain, not just the top two lines because your dumb question has already been answered.
  • Let’s circle back on this – Let’s end the conversation here because I have absolutely no time for this f*cking nonsense

115. “Good luck with your new job! Just remember, the ‘rat race’ doesn’t have a finish line; it’s more like an endless marathon.”

116. “Good luck with your first job! Here are some tips: drink lots of coffee and pretend you know what you’re doing!”

117. “Wishing you all the best in your new job. Just remember, it’s okay to pretend to be busy sometimes.”

118. “Congrats on your new job! If they ask you for your 5-year plan, just say, “Survive the first week.”

119. “Congratulations on your new job! May your work-life balance tilt heavily towards ‘life’.”

120. “Congrats on the new job! Remember, if you ever need a break, the office restroom is your sanctuary.”

121. “Wishing you all the best in your new role! Remember, the key to success is a well-organized desk and a great collection of office memes.”

122. “Congrats on the new job! If you ever need a pick-me-up, just check your paycheck—it’s the real office motivation.”

123. “Good luck with your new job! Simply throw on a suit and pretend you know what you’re doing (it’s what we all do).”

124. “Sorry for your loss. And by loss, I mean your free time.”

125. “Congrats on your first job! Have fun whispering WTF to yourself 50 times a day!”

126. “Congratulations. Remember not to be yourself until after you’ve passed the probation period!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job wishes card with "congratulations. Remember not to be yourself until after you've passed the probation period."
Photo courtesy of Alluvion Prints

Sweet and funny congratulations for a new job

127. “Check you out! You absolute brainy bastard!”

128. “Congratulations on your awesome new job. I’m not remotely jealous of your continuing success.”

129. “You is smart. You is talented. You is badass. Congratulations on the new job!”

130. “Good jobs come to those who work their asses off and you clearly did! Congrats.”

131. “Congrats on the job! Remember, ‘9-5’ is just a suggestion.”

132. “You will be EGGcellent in your new job!”

133. “TAKE a moment to appreciate all THAT your JOB has meant to you, AND you’ll see why it’s no SHOck that you’re a little sad to leaVE IT.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny foldable card for a new job
Photo courtesy of Finch and Hare

134. “Arent’s you a clever little sausage! Congratulations on your new job.”

135. “This is a really big deal. Congratulations!”

136. “New job, new beginnings, and hopefully, a coffee machine that actually works. Good luck!”

137. “PROUD MOM [or dad, friend, boyfriend, etc.] ALERT! I’m so proud of you for landing this job, I’m 100% sure you will be great at it! Congrats!”

138. “Congrats on your new job! May your coffee be strong, and your Mondays be short.”

139. “Wishing you success in your new role! You’re now playing the ‘Advanced Mode’ of life.”

140. “Congratulations! I’m buzzing for you.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job quotes card with a bee and "Congratulayions I'm buzzing for you!"
Photo courtesy of Twisted Haggis

141. “Congrats on the job! You’ve officially entered the ‘Job Level’ of life.”

142. “Congratulations on your first job! Your character in the game of life is now equipped with a ‘Briefcase of Responsibility.'”

143. “Congratulations on your new job! Now you’re officially playing ‘Life: The Hard Mode.'”

144. “Congrats on the new gig! In the world of adulting, you’ve just gained the ‘Responsibility Badge.'”

145. “Congrats on the job! Your character sheet in the ‘Game of Life’ just got a major update.”

146. “Wishing you success in your new role! You’re now in ‘Expert Mode’ – remember to save your progress!”

147. Funny build your own title card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new job card with a "build your own job title" list
Photo courtesy of The Raccoon Society

Funny new job puns

148. “ConCATulations on your new job!”

149. “You will be TEAriffic at your new job!”

150. “Congratulations on your new job! May your coffee be as dark as your sense of humor.”

151. “New job?! You’re a big dill now!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

new job pun card with "New job?! You're a big dill now"
Photo courtesy of Custom Gift AML

Save these funny congratulations for a new job

Did you save these funny new job wishes on Pinterest yet?

151 Hilarious new job card messages with an image of a card

Final notes on new job wishes

With 151 funny new job wishes at your disposal, you’re armed and ready to bring smiles to office spaces far and wide, because laughter truly is the best gift when it comes to celebrating someone’s new job!

AUTHOR

Hi, I’m Lara, a 30-year-old travel-lover (but who’s not these days?). I love reading, puzzling, world-heritage sites, researching, and making lists, which comes in quite handy when you’re making lists of travel gift ideas!