Pregnancy is undoubtedly a rollercoaster ride, complete with mood swings, strange cravings, and bodily changes. Amidst all this excitement, what better way to share the love and laughter than with some funny pregnancy wishes? Whether you’re looking for the perfect pregnancy congratulatory card message or funny maternity leave messages, we’ve got you covered with no less than 153 witty pregnancy quotes, puns, jokes, and more!
So get ready to brighten the new parents-to-be with some side-splitting pregnancy wishes that will have everyone from the baby bump to the baby’s grandparents laughing out loud.
Are you looking for more inspiration to go with these funny pregnancy wishes?
Check out these posts for more awesome cards and gifts for the parents-to-be!
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- 25 Awesome coffee-related gifts that will get new parents through their sleep-deprived days.
Table of Contents
Save these funny pregnancy congratulations
Don’t forget to save these funny pregnancy wishes on Pinterest for the next preggo in your life!
Sweet and funny pregnancy wishes
1. “You two will totally be the cool parents.”
2. “You two are going to make the cutest freaking baby!”
3. “You are going to be such a great mom. Which is a good thing for our planet because the world doesn’t need anymore assholes.”
4. “Congrats! You’re going to rock this parent shit!”
5. “You are going to be such a great dad. Which is a good thing for our planet because the world doesn’t need anymore assholes.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
6. “You are so crafty, you make people.”
7. “You just became a VIP (Very Important Preggo)!”
8. “I seriously can’t believe you’re growing a person in there. I can’t even grow a plant!”
9. “Holy shit you’re having a baby? I don’t even remember where I left my car last night.”
10. “Nailed it.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy messages about weird pregnancy stuff
11. “Woo hoo! Now you get to eat for two!”
12. “I know everything feels weird and your pants don’t fit anymore, but look on the bright side. Given your current size, you are much harder to kidnap now.”
13. “Buckle up for the rollercoaster ride of emotions – happy, sleepy, moody, and everything in between!”
14. “Congratulations. Morning sickness, swollen feet, constipation, piles… It’s just so magical.”
15. “Congratulations on your bun in the oven! Get ready for nine months of food cravings and baby kicks!”
16. “In case you were wondering, ‘glowing’ is just a nice way of saying you look like you’ve been taken over by aliens. Congrats on the glow!”
17. “You’re doing it! You’re growing a tiny human inside of you! That’s pretty badass.”
18. Funny I’m sorry card.
(Shop card at Etsy)
19. “Get ready to be the source of endless stories: ‘Remember when I was pregnant and…’ Congrats!”
20. “Prepare for the avalanche of unsolicited advice, courtesy of well-meaning but slightly overwhelming baby experts!”
21. “You’re pregnant! Get ready for horror stories and unsolicited advice (Like this card).”
22. “Your pregnancy cravings are now the law of the land. Ice cream for breakfast? Absolutely!”
23. “You’re pregnant! I promise not to rub your belly without permission (but you look soooo cuuuuute!). Congrats!”
24. “Congrats on the pregnancy titties… Oh, and the baby too!”
25 “Warning: Hormonal rollercoaster ahead! Buckle up and enjoy the ride!”
26. “Sorry about that parasite growing in your stomach.”
27. “You’re pregnant! Here’s to nine months of googling every weird thing that happens to your body.”
28. “You’re pregnant! Sometimes the ‘baby’ will crave ice cream (and that’s a legitimate excuse).” Congrats!
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy wishes about the baby
29. “The laundry is about to get super cute.”
30. “Congratulations on joining the elite ‘No Sleep Club’! Get ready for some late-night baby parties!”
31. “It’s a baby! Be prepared to freak out and google everything all the time (but try not to, that shit is scary).”
32. “Who needs a gym membership when you have a baby? You’ll be lifting, squatting, and lunging your way to supermodel status!”
33. “Congrats to the winner!”
(Shop card at Etsy)
34. “They say babies are like tiny bosses, and you just got promoted to CEO! Congratulations!”
35. “Get ready for the most adorable tiny dictator to take over your life. Congrats on your promotion to ‘Parent-in-Chief’!”
36. “Picking baby names makes you realize how many people you hate. Good luck one that you’ll both love!”
37. “I heard you have a little something extra on the way.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
38. “Congratulations on having a new excuse to use whenever you need to escape a boring conversation – ‘Gotta run, baby duty calls!'”
39. “Now you’ll experience the true meaning of multitasking: juggling a baby, a phone, and your sanity – all at once!”
40. “Having a baby is like seeing feet under a bathroom stall… You can’t wait to see who will come out.”
41. “Shits and giggles are coming your way…. Mostly shits though.”
42. “Baby loading… Please wait.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
43. “I heard there’s a tiny human brewing inside you. Cheers to the new chef in town!”
44. “Roses are red, violets are blue. Your baby will cry and you’ll have to clean poo. #momfacts.”
45. “Having a baby is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, there’s a lot of noise and there’s a lot of throwing up…”
46. “Maybe there’s a reason why storks bring babies and don’t keep them… 9 months until you’ll find out.”
47. “Now, this is a story all about how your life got flipped turned upside down.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy messages for friends
48. “I mean, I guess there are worse things that could happen when you let a dude raw-dog you…”
49. “Well, looks like being a big hoe finally paid off. Congratulations.”
50. “So you can get pregnant from holding hands? Congratulations!”
51. “I’m gonna miss you! (See you in 18 years).”
52. “Well, looks like being a big hoe finally paid off for one of us.”
53. “Heard you are pregnant! Whore.”
54. “Holy shit, you’re having a baby…. I mean, congrats!”
55. “I’m totally cool with you naming the baby after me.”
56. Funny Friends card.
(Shop card at Etsy)
57. “Heard you’re pregnant… thank god it’s not me.”
58. “A new baby? Couldn’t you just bake banana bread like the rest of us?”
59. “Congrats on getting dicked down.”
60. “Congrats on being a hoe.”
61. “You know we’re getting old when we start getting pregnant on purpose.”
62. “You f*cked around and found out. Congratulations!”
63. “You should have just said yes to butt stuff. I mean… Congrats.”
64. “It’s all fun and games until somebody end up pregnant… I hope you had lots of fun.”
65. “Sh*t just got real.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny maternity leave messages
66. “Congrats on your new full-time job! Diaper duty”
67. “Enjoy your maternity leave—a well-deserved break from work, but not from diaper duty!”
68. “Congratulations on your extended coffee break—now it comes with diaper changes and baby giggles!”
69. “Welcome to your new full-time job—Chief Baby Officer! May your maternity leave be filled with joy and baby snuggles.”
70. “Enjoy your time off—well, as ‘off’ as it gets with a tiny human running the show!”
71. “Take it easy during your maternity leave, but don’t be surprised if the baby demands overtime!”
72. “Congratulations on your maternity leave—where lunch breaks involve baby food and messy highchairs!”
73. “If you thought maternity leave meant you finally don’t have to listen to the boss, think again! You’ve just got a new tiny boss.”
74. “Oh, you’re having a baby. Congratulations. Some people will do absolutely anything for some time off!”
(Shop card at Etsy)
75. “On your maternity leave, you’ll learn that ‘sleeping like a baby’ actually means getting up every two hours!”
76. “We know you didn’t want to work anymore but having a baby is a bit extreme.”
77. “Good news…you won’t need to set an alarm for work anymore. Bad news…you’ll have a brand new one!”
78. “Since you’re eating for two, we’ll drink for two on your last day at work.”
79. “Enjoy this time raising a child at home before you come back to raise us, immature adults.”
80. “We know you were dying to take time off work but we never thought you’d go this far!”
81. “Did you make a baby just to get out of work?”
82. “Congrats on your maternity leave… We mean your new baby!”
83. “I can’t believe you got knocked up for some time off!”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy wishes for sister
84. “Hooray! Our family is expanding, and so is your belly. Double the excitement, double the fun!”
85. “Congratulations, sis! Prepare for sleepless nights and endless baby talk. Don’t worry; I’ll bring the coffee!”
86. “Knock, knock. Who’s there? A future aunt! Get ready for your kiddo to have the best aunt ever!”
87. “I can’t wait to see my transform from ‘cool sister’ to ‘cool aunt.’ It’s going to be an epic journey! I mean… Congratulations!”
88. “Congratulations, sis! I promise to babysit your little munchkin as long as you promise not to hold any embarrassing stories against me.”
89. “Wishing you an easy delivery and a baby who inherits your sense of humor. We need more funny people in this world!”
90. “Parenthood tip: Whenever you feel overwhelmed, remember you’ve got a built-in babysitter – your favorite sibling!”
91. “May your baby inherit your charm, wit, and good looks – and hopefully not your clumsiness. Kidding! Congrats, sis!”
92. “Can’t wait to teach your child their first swear word.”
93. “Dibs on the title favorite aunt. Oh yeah… and congratulations on the baby and stuff.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy wishes about childbirth
94. “10 cm. Gooooood luck, mama!”
95. “Hope you don’t poop during labor.”
96. “Can you believe it? I know it sounds dumb. That a kid could come out of a hole near your bum.”
97. “Oooh baby, baby, baby, baby. Oooh, baby, baby, baby baby. Ah, push it, ah push it good. Push it real good.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
98. “Ever seen a watermelon fit through a donut hole? Nope… but you will.”
99. “Well, you can cross ‘have a watermelon-sized creature rip its way out of my vagina before slowly and systematically stripping me of every shred of self-identity and gaining full control over my ability to feel any semblance of self-worth and then abruptly leaving me, a sad, empty shell of who I once was’ off you bucket list. So, yay?”
100. “Have you started practicing labor positions? Yes! My favorite one so far is unconscious.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
101. “May your labor be as easy as you were.”
102. “This is about the size your cervix must dilate in order to deliver a baby. This is why we deserve all the things.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
103. “I just want to make sure you understand the science of how the baby comes out.”
104. “Oh, the miracle of childbirth. What a beautiful thing. Maybe you will shit yourself or maybe you won’t.”
105. “I recommend getting the epidural early… Like at about six months! As you venture into motherhood, I’ll always be here to offer you my best advice!”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy messages about birth control
106. “You should have paid more attention in sex ed class.”
107. “Someone didn’t pay attention in sex ed class and it shows…”
108. “His pull-out game is weak.”
109. “Oh, snap(ped condom). You’re having a baby!”
110. “This is called a condom. Obviously, no one ever told you… I mean congrats.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
111. “This is why your parents tell you to never skip class….”
112. “Congratulations on getting pregnant on purpose!”
113. “Thanks for reminding me to take my birth control… And congratulations!”
114. “Congrats on your successful breeding program!”
115. “You must have been absent that day, but here is how you can prevent this from happening again. You’re welcome.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny baby shower card messages
116. “Remember this happy day forever! For a long time, this is one of the last showers you’ll get to enjoy in peace…”
117. “You’re about to have a human forcefully exit your body, so here is a folded piece of paper thrown in the trash and a gift that’s not for you.”
118. “Shhhh. Don’t read this card out loud. Read it in your head. My gift to you is one last moment of blissful silence before your baby arrives. You’re welcome!”
119. “Sorry you can’t drink or fit into any pants. Also, here’s a present that’s not for you.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy wishes related to (not) drinking
120. “I don’t know who I’m supposed to get drunk and hobble around on one broken high heel then wake up on a random couch missing a bra with now, but congratulations. Good for f*cking you.”
121. “Don’t worry, wine misses you too. Congrats”
122. “Congrats on your recent sobriety!”
123. “You’re having a bébé. If that’s not a cause for alcohol, I don’t know what is!”
124. “Since you can’t drink right now, I’ll raise two glasses to you and your soon-to-arrive new bundle of joy!”
125. “One of us has to keep things in balance (guess that’s me).”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy messages about being a parent
126. “Well, you can kiss hot coffee and your sanity goodbye.”
127. “Sorry, you’ll never pee alone or drink hot coffee ever again.”
128. “So you ruined your life? I mean… congratulations!”
129. “Congratulations! You’re about to be promoted to ‘Mom CEO’ with a lifetime contract.”
130. “Congrats on entering the elite club of people who can function on minimal sleep and copious amounts of coffee!”
131. “Being a parent is mainly just googling how to be a parent. You’ll be great!”
132. “Remember, kids are like farts – you can tolerate your own, but everyone else’s is unbearable! You’ll be just fine!”
133. “Before you got married you had six theories about raising children. Soon, you will have six children and no theories.”
134. “Welcome to parenthood, where babyproofing basically just means getting rid of everything you love.”
135. “Parenthood: The miracle that happens when you finally decide you’re fed up with sleeping in, having a clean house, and doing whatever you want, whenever you want. Welcome to the club!”
136. “Becoming a mom means; one day you’re going out to dinner with friends, dropping f-bombs, and enjoying your complete lack of incontinence. And before you know it, you have a favorite song from Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.”
137. “Don’t worry it’s just the first 18 years of parenting that are the hardest.”
138. “Kiss your privacy goodbye.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy wishes about social media
139. “Warning: Your Pinterest boards are about to be flooded with nursery decor and baby fashion!”
140. “You’re pregnant, congratulations! I promise not to unfollow you… yet.”
141. “I can’t wait for this baby to blow up my newsfeed.”
142. “Congratulations on your pregnancy I’ll cherish the coming few months when my feed isn’t taken over by baby pics yet – rare gems!”
143. “Wishing you all the happiness with your baby! I’ll endure the baby feeds because I cherish your friendship!”
144. “Pretty soon, all your posts will start with ‘and just like that…’ “
(Shop card at Etsy)
Funny pregnancy puns and jokes
145. “How do you greet a pregnant woman on her due date? “Happy Labor Day!”
146. “Pumped for you.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
147. “Why do pregnant ladies have the best stories? They are always carrying a little “inside” information!”
148. “Your burrito-making skills are about to come in handy.”
149. “Congrats on the sex-ccess!”
(Shop card at Etsy)
150. “Can’t wait to meet your little cutie pie.”
151. “Yay, you are eggspecting.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
152. “Slam dunk. You’ve got a baby in your junk.”
153. “Nine months feels like maternity.”
(Shop card at Etsy)
Save these funny pregnancy wishes
Did you save these funny pregnancy wishes on Pinterest yet?
Final notes about funny pregnancy congratulations
We hope that these 153 funny pregnancy wishes have added a dose of joy and humor to your friend’s, colleague’s, or relative’s journey!
