151 Hilarious Wedding Wishes For The Happy Couple

Written by: Lara
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A wedding shoe and and a wedding card with other ornaments

Celebrate the start of the newlyweds’ journey in style with these funny wedding wishes to make their special day even better. I know, writing a wedding card can be daunting, but it’s also an opportunity to express your heartfelt congratulations and well wishes to the new couple. And what better way to do that than with a touch of humor? Whether you’re a close friend, family member, or just someone who wants to make the happy couple laugh, a witty message can add that extra touch of joy to their big day.

So if you’re looking to make the bride and groom laugh out loud or simply bring a smile to their faces, we’ve got you covered. In this blog post, we’ll be sharing some of the most clever and funniest wedding quotes for you to write on a wedding card. So grab a pen, get creative, and let’s make the happy couple’s day even more memorable with some humor!

Save these funny wedding quotes

Don’t forget to save these funny marriage wishes on Pinterest for your next wedding!

151 funny wedding wishes and messages to write on a marriage card for couples with a photo of white roses

Funny wedding wishes for the bride

1. “Congrats on making the jump from Ho to housewife.”

2. “You will have moments when you will really love your husband. Then there will be the rest of the time… Congratulations!”

3. “I can’t wait to Instagram the sh*t out of your wedding.”

4. “It’s okay, you can let your inner psycho out now that he said ‘I do’.”

5. “Congratulations on your first adopted baby… Your husband!”

6. “Can’t wait to ugly cry at your wedding.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

"Can’t wait to ugly cry at your wedding."
Photo courtesy of Trap Card Studio

7. “Congrats babe! Wishing you two all the best, and remember that from this day forward you can never say your husband has bad taste anymore, because you are one of them!”

8. “I am going to drunk cry so hard at your wedding.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding card with: "I am going to drunk cry so hard at your wedding."
Photo courtesy of Ris For Robo

9. “Looks like a ho can be turned into a housewife! Congrats!”

10. “And you didn’t even have to lower your standards. Congrats.”

11. “Peace out single life.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

 Funny wedding card with: "Peace out single life."
Photo courtesy of Ris For Robo

12. “Gross. You have to be together with a boy now.”

13. “Marrying you is proof that your hubby-to-be is smarter than he looks.”

14. Funny wedding card.
(Shop card at Amazon)

Funny wedding card
Photo courtesy of Amazon

15. “From one married woman to another, here is my advice for a happy marriage. Always let your husband take all the decisions. And then go ahead doing what you planned to do anyway. He’ll feel significant and you get to do what you wanted in the first place. Everybody wins!”

16. “He liked it, so he put a ring on it.”

17. Funny card with wedding dress.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny card with whore wedding.
Photo courtesy of Pixie Card Co

Funny wedding wishes for the groom

18. “To my best friend on their wedding day: I hope you’re ready to start sharing the covers and the remote control.”

19. “Congratulations on finding someone who is willing to put up with your nonsense for the rest of their life!”

20. “Congratulations on finding someone who thinks your dad jokes are funny.”

21. “Congratulations on finding someone who is just as weird as you are.”

22. “Look at you getting married and sh*t.”

23. “My friend, happy wedding day! Just one tip to keep your marriage going smoothly. Remember that in an argument only one person can be right. And just so you know, it’s never the husband!”

24. “Congratulations on finding someone who will now have to put up with your snoring for the rest of their life.”

25. “Never laugh at her choices. You are her biggest one dude! Congrats man.”

26. “Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband. Congratulations!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding quotes: "Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband. Congratulations!"
Photo courtesy of Mind Blowing Studio

27. “Remember when you said ‘I do’ at the ceremony? Well, you didn’t read the terms and conditions, but actually you said ‘I do what she said’ for the rest of your life. Good luck dude!”

28. “Congratulations my friend. Now you can not only complain about your boss in the office but also about the one at home. Looking forward to hearing all about it.”

29. “F’ing finally. “
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding quotes card: "F'ing finally. "
Photo courtesy of Captain Obvious Design

Funny marriage wishes for a sibling

30. “Welcome to the family, [Spouse’s name]. We apologize in advance for any weirdness you may encounter.”

31. “I always knew you’d find someone special, but I never thought they’d be crazy enough to marry you!”

32. “You’re getting married! Does this mean you’ll finally stop stealing my clothes?”

33. “I can’t believe I’m losing my [brother/sister] to someone else. But as long as they make you happy, I guess it’s okay.”

34. “To my [brother/sister]: I never thought I’d see the day when you were the responsible one in the family.”

35. “Congratulations on finding someone who will now take over the job of dealing with your messes!”

36. “I’ve been saving this date for years.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding quotes card: " "I’ve been saving this date for years."
Photo courtesy of Raisin Spirits

37. “You’re getting married! Does this mean I get the big room?”

38. “Thanks for keeping Mom and Dad occupied with your wedding, so they can stop nagging at me about when I’m moving out. I mean… congratulations on your wedding [brother/sister]”

39. “I’m so happy you found someone who loves you just the way you are, even if you’re a total weirdo.”

40. “I can’t believe you’re actually getting married. I thought you’d be single forever, but I guess miracles do happen.”

41. “You suck. Your happiness and awesome wedding just gave Mom and Dad even more reasons to push me to get married. Just kidding, I’m super happy for you and I wish you all the best.”

42. “Thank you for getting Mom and Dad off my back, now that they can focus on when you two are getting babies. Also, congratulations to the happy couple!”

43. “To my [brother/sister]: I can’t believe you’re getting married before me. I guess it’s time for me to step up my game.”

44. “When you marry someone, you marry their entire family. My condolences on your wedding day!”

45.”Welcome to the family! Sorry in advance.”

Funny marriage wishes for a friend

46.  “To the happy couple: here’s to hoping your marriage is just as fun and crazy as our friendship has been all these years.”

47. “Today we celebrate the best decision you ever made. I wish you all the luck in the world”.

48. “To my best friend: you finally found someone who can handle all of your quirks and still loves you unconditionally. Lucky you!”

49. “No longer living in sin.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding wishes card: "No longer living in sin."
Photo courtesy of Me and Ru Paper

50. “Congratulations on your marriage. May this last longer than your looks.”

51. “Eat. Drink. Get fat. Who cares? You’re married now! Best wishes.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding wishes card: "Eat. Drink. Get fat. Who cares? You’re married now! Best wishes."
Photo courtesy of Pixie Card Co

52. “Congratulations! No one will ask you when you’re getting married ever again!”

53. “Your secrets are safe with me… “

54. “Marry, f*ck, kill. You made a great choice!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding wishes card: "Marry, fuck, kill. You made a great choice!"
Photo courtesy of Pixie Card Co

Funny wedding messages for the newlywed couple

55. “Today you decided to be weird together forever and I think that is beautiful!”

56 .

57. “I knew you two were madly in love with each other but I didn’t think that you’d be mad enough to marry. Have a great life ahead.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding wishes card: "I knew you two were madly in love with each other but I didn’t think that you’ll be mad enough to marry. Have a great life ahead."
Photo courtesy of Mind Blowing Studio

58. “You two are so perfect for each other, it’s unfair for the rest of us.”

59. “May your love for each other be as strong as your love for Netflix.”

60. “[NAME] & [NAME] sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G first comes love then comes marriage.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding wishes card: "Sienna & Sergie sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G first comes love then comes marriage."
Photo courtesy of Ris For Robo

61.

62. “I’m so happy that you found each other instead of other things like booze or meth.”

63. “Congrats! You’re going to rock this marriage sh*t!”

64. “Congrats! You two weirdos are perfect for each other!”

65″YOU TWO are adorable. It MAKEs ME really happy Seeing how well you clICK!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding card with "You make me sick"
Photo courtesy of Finch & Hare

Funny wedding quotes with advice

66. “To the happy couple: just remember, marriage is all about give and take – like giving your partner the last slice of pizza and taking their side in an argument with your mother-in-law.”

67. “Two golden rules for a happy marriage. #1 The Wife is always right. #2 When she is wrong, slap yourself and read #1 Again.”

68. “The best marriage advice: if you have to fight. Do it naked!”

69. “They say a blind wife and a deaf husband make a happy marriage. So I hope you guys take the advice! Congrats”

70. “From one married couple to another. Best of f’ing luck.”

71. “The 7 words that lead to a happy marriage: yes dear, I’m sorry, It’s my fault”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding wishes card:  "The 7 words that lead to a happy marriage: yes dear, I’m sorry, It’s my fault”
Photo courtesy of Quirky Card Company

Funny quotes about married life

72. “Marriage is basically just yelling ‘WHAT’ from different rooms until one of you dies, so I wish you all the best!”

73. “Marriage is just a lifelong sleepover with your favorite weirdo.”

74. “YOUR new LIFE is just beginning. This IS one big event and One love that lasts foreVER!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny card with "Your life is over"
Photo courtesy of Finch & Hare

75. “Remember, you haven’t just tied the knot today, you’ve attached a ball and chain to it. Good luck!”

76. “I believe it was William Shakespeare who said “Whoa you’re married. Hell ya, it’s so nice to smell some fresh love in the air”. “

77. “If you’re wrong & shut up you’re wise. If you’re right & shut up you’re married.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding messages card: "If you’re wrong & shut up you’re wise. If you’re right & shut up you’re married."
Photo courtesy of The Potty Mouth Press

78. “They say that marriage is a great institution. And much like many types of institutions, you need to be crazy to get into it – Congratulations, you weirdos.”

79. “Congratulations on officially signing up for a lifetime of fighting over the remote control!”

80. Funny meme card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

 Funny meme card for a wedding
Photo courtesy of Tiny Bee Cards

81. “To the newlyweds: welcome to the world of ‘his and hers’ towels and arguing over the proper way to load the dishwasher.”

82. “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life…”

83. “Marriage is a three-ring circus; engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering, congratulations on completing the second stage, and welcome to the last ring!”

84. “You’ve been sentenced… To a lifetime of happiness!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding messages card: "You’ve been sentenced… To a lifetime of happiness!"
Photo courtesy of Design Parlour

85. “Congratulations on tying the knot! Now you get to enjoy the fun of combining two messy, disorganized lives into one chaotic household.”

86 “May your marriage be filled with love, laughter, and all the eye-rolling moments that come with it”

87. Funny 50/50 card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny 50/50 wedding card
Photo courtesy of Pixie Card Co

88. “To the newlyweds: may your marriage be filled with love, laughter, and all the fun of figuring out whose turn it is to take out the garbage.”

89

90. “Before you got married you were madly in love with each other. Now you will be mad at each other as well. Happy Wedding day!”

91. “Marriage: debating what’s for dinner… Every. Single. Day.”

92. “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”

93. “Mumbling is the glue that holds a marriage together.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding messages card: "Mumbling is the glue that holds a marriage together."
Photo courtesy of Little Ricky Cards

Dirty funny wedding messages

94. “Congratulations. Same. P*nis. Forever. Best wishes on your wedding day!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding messages card: "Congratulations. Same. Penis. Forever. Best wishes on your wedding day!"
Photo courtesy of Pixie Card Co

95. “Married sexting: I’m not wearing any underwear… because you didn’t put the f’ing laundry in the dryer as I asked you to 100 f’ing times.”

96. “You do realize you’ve entered into a contractual agreement to only shag each other for the rest of your lives yeah?”

97. “Same. Pussy. Forever.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding messages card with same pussy forever
Photo courtesy of The Bad Kitty Co

Funny wedding messages about the costs of the wedding

98. “Congrats on combining your student loan debt. I mean, congrats on getting married.”

99. “Marriage: betting someone half your sh*t that you’ll love them forever.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding messages card: "Marriage: betting someone half your shit that you’ll love them forever."
Photo courtesy of The Potty Mouth Press

100. “Congratulations on celebrating your most expensive mistake ever! Just kidding, wishing you all the happiness!”

101. “The only difference between marriage and stupidity is that marriage is expensive while stupidity comes free of cost.”

102. “Well done you two on an amazing wedding. You’ve just reminded me of how much I’m saving by not getting hitched.”

103. “Cheers here’s to getting drunk enough to forget how much this wedding cost you.”

104. “The average cost of a wedding is $27,000. Good luck recovering from that… I mean, congratulations on your wedding!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding messages card: "The average cost of a wedding is $27,000. Good luck recovering from that. I mean, congratulations on your wedding!"
Photo courtesy of Ris For Robo

Rude but funny wedding wishes

105. “I would have gotten you a nice gift but I resent the fact that you’re getting married before me.”

106. “Just gave half of your assets away married.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding messages card: "Just gave half of your assets away married."
Photo courtesy of Park a Punch Designs

107. “May your marriage be as easy as I must assume you both were.”

108. “Congratulations to you two! May your lifetime of suffering begin tomorrow, so you can enjoy today.”

109. “Marriage marks the end of a love story and the start of a wrestling match. Wishing you all the best of everything anyway.”

110 “Your sex life will wither and die as will your hopes and dreams, but it’s been a lovely day. Thanks for the invite.”

111. “Congratulations on the upcoming celebration of your inherent ability to ignore red flags.”

Funny wedding messages related to food and alcohol

112. “You’re getting married. Congratulations! And I’m getting wasted!”

113. “Congratulations on your wedding day! May your love be like a fine wine – only getting better with age.”

114. “You go together like tequila and lime! Congratulations on your wedding!!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny wedding wishes card: "You go together like tequila and lime! Congratulations on your wedding!!"
Photo courtesy of Design Parlour

115. “To the new Mr. and Mrs.: I hope your love for each other lasts longer than the wedding cake.”

116. “Cheers and thanks for the open bar! I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why so many people showed up today. Just kidding, you guys rock and your marriage will be awesome!”

117. “Marriage is basically asking each other what you want to eat … until one of you dies.”

118. “I’d celebrate your love any day (assuming drinks are always involved).”

119. “You will get married and I will get drunk ( So your wedding day is going to be a great day for both of us).”

120. “To the happy couple: may your love for each other be as strong as your love for [some food or drink they both love].”

121. “Thanks for the free food, free drinks, and fun party. You know what? We should do this again next year!”

122. “I am pretty pumped about the open bar. But today isn’t about me, so congratulations, on the whole, finding your soulmate thing.”

123. “May your marriage be filled with love, laughter, and lots of pizza.”

124. “Thanks for having an open bar including us on your big day!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

funny card: "Thanks for having an open bar including us on your big day!"
Photo courtesy of Spade Stationery

Funny wedding quotes about babies

125. “I can’t wait to see what kind of weird children you two will have together.”

126. “Wedding today. ‘How much longer until you have a baby?’ tomorrow. Cheers!”

127. “I can’t believe we’re old enough for you to be getting married. What’s next? Getting pregnant on purpose?!”

Funny wedding jokes about gifts

128. “I can’t wait to watch you act surprised while you open the pre-selected gifts from your registry. Enjoy your wedding day!”

129. “Happy wedding day to you. There is cash inside because no one actually wants registry gifts.”

130. “I hope you get so many wedding gifts that you don’t realize none are from me.”

131. “Congratulations babe! To celebrate your special day, I’ve got a great wedding gift for you; A promise to never ask when you’re going to have kids.”

132. “You’re getting married! This voucher entitles you to: An extravagant gift of your choice. (Just kidding, you’re getting a toaster).”
(Shop card at Etsy)

card for newlyweds with: You’re getting married! This voucher entitles you to: An extravagant gift of your choice. (Just kidding, you’re getting a toaster)."
Photo courtesy of Park a Punch Designs

Funny wedding messages about divorce

133. “You got married! We’re sorry we couldn’t be there on your wedding day… But we’ll promise to be there for the divorce. Congratulations?”

134. “If you thought your wedding was expensive, don’t even start to think about divorce! JK, happy wedding day!”

135. “Till death or divorce. Congrats!”

Funny wedding wishes for travel lovers

136 “Congratulations on your wedding day! May your love for each other be as strong as your love for exploring new places.”

137 “To the adventurous newlyweds: may your marriage be filled with more passport stamps than arguments over packing.”

138 “Congratulations on finding someone who is just as crazy as you are about getting lost in foreign cities.”

139. “Marriage is a wonderful journey, just remember to let your spouse have the window seat sometimes.”

140 “To the newlyweds: may your love for each other be as vast as the ocean and as endless as the open road.”

141. “Here’s to a lifetime of collecting memories, not things – except for those tacky souvenirs you just have to buy.”

142. “Dear friends, you always loved adventures but marriage is going to be the biggest one you’ve faced till now! Congratulations to you two!”

143. “To the happy couple: just remember, marriage is all about teamwork – like taking turns carrying each other’s luggage at the airport.”

144. “May your marriage be filled with adventures, laughter, and all the joys of getting lost in a foreign country together.”

145. “Congratulations love birds. Your greatest adventure awaits!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

card for newlyweds with "Congratulations love birds. Your greatest adventure awaits!"
Photo courtesy of Noteworthy Paper Press

146. “Congratulations on tying the knot! Now you get to enjoy the fun of arguing over which destination to travel to next.”

147. “To the newlyweds: may your love for each other be as strong as your love for taking selfies in front of famous landmarks.”

148. “To the newlyweds: may your marriage be filled with adventures, laughter, and all the joys of learning to love someone’s travel quirks and habits.”

149. “To the adventurous couple: just remember, marriage is all about compromise – like agreeing to take turns choosing the restaurants to try in a new city.”

150. “Congratulations on finding someone who is just as obsessed as you are about finding the cheapest flight deals.”

151. “Here is to a lifetime of adventures. Congrats on your wedding.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

card for newlyweds with "Here is to a lifetime of adventures. Congrats on your wedding."
Photo courtesy of Simply Happy Cards

Save these funny wedding quotes

Did you save these funny marriage wishes on Pinterest yet?

151 funny wedding quotes to write on cards with a photo of a pink roses

Final notes on funny wedding wishes

Adding a touch of humor to your wedding card is a great way to make the happy couple feel loved, appreciated, and entertained. Whether it’s a clever one-liner, a silly pun, or a witty joke, funny wedding wishes are sure to bring a smile to their faces and make their special day even more memorable.

AUTHOR

Hi, I’m Lara, a 30-year-old travel-lover (but who’s not these days?). I love reading, puzzling, world-heritage sites, researching, and making lists, which comes in quite handy when you’re making lists of travel gift ideas!