93 Funny New Home Quotes For Housewarming Cards That Stand Out

Written by: Lara
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An icon of a home with "home sweet home"

So, your bestie just moved into a new place, and you’re on the hunt for a witty housewarming card to accompany that bottle of bubbly? Because let’s be honest– generic, heartfelt messages have their place, but they’re a dime a dozen. And you want to go for some funny new home quotes that will make your card stand out.

That’s where we come in, armed with 93 rib-tickling, knee-slapping, and downright funny new home messages tailor-made for your greeting card. From witty one-liners to clever puns, we’ve got it all. So, whether you’re looking to delight your friends, family, or that brand-new neighbor whose name you can’t quite remember, we’ve got your back to make their housewarming unforgettable.

After all, who said breaking in the new digs couldn’t also involve breaking into a burst of laughter?

Do need a unique gift to accompany your happy new home card? Check out these options:

Save these funny new home quotes for cards

Don’t forget to save these funny housewarming quotes on Pinterest for your next friend who is moving!

93 Funny messages for cards to new homeowners with a background of housese

Short and funny new home quotes for cards

1. “Hope it’s good in the new hood.”

2. “You like to move it, move it. You like to … move it!”

3. “Congrats on the nest!”

4. “New door, who dis?”

5. “I know where you live…”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new home quotes card with "I l know where you live"
Photo courtesy of Pip and Elwood

6. “Shut the front door! You bought a house!”

7. “New address, same crazy friends.”

8. “Congratulations on your new proper-tea.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new home message on a card "Congratulations on your new poper-tea" with an image of a bag of tea
Photo courtesy of Just Joy Designs

Sarcastic funny new home quotes for cards

9. “Congratulations on moving all of your stuff from one place to another.”

10. “Congratulations, you won the bidding war and bought a house!”

11. “Congratulations! You’ve officially traded in your landlord for a mortgage.”

12. Funny housewarming card message.
(Shop card at Etsy)

A foldable card for new home owners with "I may break in"
Photo courtesy of Finch and Hare

13. “Congrats on your new digs! Now you can spend your weekends fixing things instead of relaxing.”

14. “Congratulations on your new place! Thank goodness I didn’t have to help you move. I can’t wait to come and visit!”

15. “Moving is fun! Said no one ever. But congrats on the new house.”

16. “Hope your house isn’t hunted… Boo!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny card for new home owners with a spook and "hope your new house isn't haunted"
Photo courtesy of Yelle

17. “Congrats on your huge debt lovely new home.”

18. “Congratulations on becoming the proud owner of a never-ending to-do list.”

19. “Congrats on your new home! Now you have a bigger space for all your clutter.”

20. “Congratulations on your fixer-upper, money pit, gut job, project, renovation, new home!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new home quotes cards with striped through text
Photo courtesy of Pip and Elwood

Sweet and funny new home quotes for cards

21. “Congratulations on your new address! May your plumbing be leak-free and your neighbors drama-free.”

22. “In your new house, may your appliances always work, and your bills never shock you.”

23. “Congrats on your new hizzle.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new home card with Snoop Dog and "Congrats on your new hizzle"
Photo courtesy of Sketchy Print Co

24. “You said yes to the address! Congratulations on the union with your new home.”

25. “Looking forward to seeing you on MTV cribs.”

26. “Congratulations on your new home. I hope it’s filled with love, laughter, and a strong wifi signal.”

27. “And here we have a rare species moving into its new habitat.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny housewarming card with an image of David Attenborough and the text"and here we have a rare species moving into it's new habitat"
Photo courtesy of Greedy Lab

Funny new home messages about neighbors

28. “Welcome to the ‘hood! We promise the neighbors are only slightly weird.”

29. “Here’s to hoping your new neighbors are as friendly as us… or at least not too nosy!”

30. “Congratulations on the house! I hope your new neighbors aren’t assholes.”

31. “Welcome to the neighborhood! Brace yourself for the daily parade of quirky neighbors and their entertaining stories.”

32. “Congrats on the new home! Remember, good fences make great neighbors, but a well-stocked wine cabinet doesn’t hurt either.”

33. “May your new neighbors be as delightful as your old ones.”

34. “There goes the neighborhood… I mean, congratulations on your new home!”

35. “Welcome to the community! It’s a place where the gossip is juicier than the fruit from your backyard tree.”

36. “Congrats on the new digs! Your neighbors are excited to meet you and assess your barbecue skills.”

37. “Happy new home. Please pass my sympathies to your new neighbors.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

"Happy new home, please pass on my sympathies to your new neighbours " funny housewarming quote card
Photo courtesy of Pip and Elwood

38. “May your new neighbors be the type who drop off freshly baked cookies instead of annoying noise complaints.”

39. “May your new neighbors be so friendly that they offer to help with your moving boxes before they even know your name.”

40. “Welcome to the neighborhood! We promise the awkward wave gets less awkward with time.”

41. “Congrats on the new house! We’re the neighbors next door who promise not to peek through your windows…too often.”

42. “Welcome to the ‘hood! We’re the Smiths from next door, and we’re only mildly weird. Promise.”

43. “Congrats on your new digs! If you ever need sugar, a cup of coffee, or an alibi, just knock on our door.”

44. “Welcome to the ‘hood! Just so you know, we’re the ones who secretly compete for the best holiday decorations.”

45. “Hope your new neighbors aren’t serial killers.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

"Hop your new neighbors aren't serial killers" funny card for new home owners
Photo courtesy of As Told By Ellie

46. “May your new neighbors be as friendly as we’ve been…or at least as good at pretending.”

47. “Leaving the neighborhood? Well, I guess we’ll have to find a new neighbor to blame for all the noise!”

48. “It’s been a blast living next door to you. Now you can annoy a whole new set of neighbors with your loud music!”

49. “Nice new home. Do the neighbors know about your filthy habits?”

50. “Farewell, dear neighbor! Remember, you can take the neighbor out of the neighborhood, but you can’t take the neighborhood out of the neighbor.”

51. “Best wishes on your new journey! We hope your new neighbors are as cool as we are. But let’s be real, that’s a tall order!”

52. “Wishing you all the best in your new place. May your new neighbors be as awesome as we are…or at least close!”

53. “Good luck on trying to convince your neighbors you aren’t crazy.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new home card with the text : good luck trying to convince your neighbors you aren't crazy"
Photo courtesy of Sleazy Greetings

Funny new home messages for first-time buyers and mortgage

54. “Welcome to the DIY phase of your life. Remember, duct tape and determination fix everything!”

55. “Now that you’re a homeowner, remember: you can’t call the landlord to fix that leaky faucet!”

56. “Welcome to the world of adulting! Enjoy paying bills and mowing the lawn.”

57. “Look at you, buying a new house and sh*t.”

58. “So you finally put on your adulting pants and bought a house? Congratulations!”

59. “Congrats on leveling up in adulthood. May your mortgage be your only monster.”

60. “Welcome to the world of endless repairs and ‘Honey, do this’ lists.”

61. “Here is to 25 years of debt… Oh sorry, I mean congrats on your new house!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

"here's to 25 years of deabt. Oh sorry, I mean congrats on your new house!
Photo courtesy of Studio Yelle

62. “Home is where the heart is, but also where the bills and mortgage statements pile up.”

63. “Welcome to your new house! Where the only thing hotter than the summers is your A/C bill.”

64. “Congratulations on your first house! Just so you know, porn gives you an unrealistic expectation of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.”

65. “Your biggest mistake was giving us your new address. We can’t wait to overstay our welcome!”

66. “May your new house be a constant reminder that adulting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

67. “Congrats on becoming a homeowner! Prepare for the joy of fixing things you never knew could break.”

68. “Welcome to homeownership, where you get to make all the decisions and take all the blame.”

69. Debt-ridden. Yay, you bought a house!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new home card with "Yay you bought a houses" and debt ridden crossed out
Photo courtesy of Pack A Punch Designs

“Home is” funny housewarming quotes for cards

70. “Home is where the pants are optional, but the curtains aren’t”

71. “Home is where you can be your true, weird self. So go ahead, embrace those quirks!”

72. “Home is where you can binge-watch Netflix without judgment. Enjoy!”

73. “Home is where you can finally be the boss—of a never-ending list of household chores.”

74. “Home is where the WiFi connects automatically. Congrats on connecting to a new one!”

75. “Home is where you can eat cereal for dinner and nobody judges you.”

76. “Home is where you can dance like nobody’s watching and sing like nobody’s listening…until the neighbors start complaining.”

77. “Home is where you can find everything you need, except for the car keys, which are always mysteriously missing.”

78. “Home is where the fart is. Congratulations!”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny card for new home owners with "home is where the fart is"
Photo courtesy of Good Dirty Fun

Funny new home messages for friends

79. “Hip hip hooray. You’ve got a massive mortgage to pay.”

80. “Happy new home. I can’t wait to see my new room!”

81. “Congratulations on your new home. I’m happy for you blah blah blah. What’s your wifi password?”

82. “Happy new house place for us to drink wine/gin/beer!”

83. “Congratulations on your new home! (I can’t wait to overstay my welcome).”

84. Adulting level 10: Home owning funny card.
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny housewarming quote card about adulting levels
Photo courtesy of Just Jojo Creations

85. “You bought a house! Congratulations! But more importantly, which room is mine, what is the wifi password and what time is dinner?”

86. “Congratulations on your new home! (Please don’t ask me to move your shit).”

87. “Can’t wait to have a massive poo in your new loo…I mean, Happy new house!”

88. “Congrats on the new house! And remember, if you ever need someone to help you move… don’t ask me.”

89. “Happy new house place for me to visit.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny housewarming card with "happy new house, place for me to visit"
Photo courtesy of Pip and Elwood

90. “I can’t wait to come and get sh*t-faced in your new home!”

91. “Good luck convincing your new neighbors you’re normal.”

92. “You should have moved closer to me, but congrats anyway.”

93. “From the new windows to the new walls to pulling up in your loaded U-haul, all your old neighbors bawl! Congratulations on your new home.”
(Shop card at Etsy)

Funny new home quote card
Photo courtesy of Dandylion Notes & Lopes

Save these funny new home quotes for cards

Did you save these funny new home messages on Pinterest for your next friend moving?

93 Hilarious cards for new home owners with an letterbox image that reads "new home"

Final notes about funny new home quotes for cards

With 93 funny new home quotes at your disposal, you’re armed and ready to make a lasting impression. So go ahead, craft those memorable housewarming cards, and spread the joy that comes with a hearty laugh


Hi, I’m Lara, a 30-year-old travel-lover (but who’s not these days?). I love reading, puzzling, world-heritage sites, researching, and making lists, which comes in quite handy when you’re making lists of travel gift ideas!